Chatting with a friend on Skype today I was brought to a realization.  The longer I remain in the “well controlled” grouping the more I can see some things clearer.  I think the thing that, at this time, bothers me the most is losing my hearing.  Yes, having a gazillion crickets in my ears playing in stereo 24/7 has the ability to drive me mad.  However, having had excellent hearing and being able to hear things others could not was a way of life and now that it is gone, I mourn.

I used to love hearing everything.  Never had to use headphones to hear normal things.  Now I require hearing aids or a headset to hear just the things that other people can hear without assistance.  The funny thing is that when I come in from attending a meeting or doing something that requires me to wear my hearing aids I can’t wait to take them out.  I hear every creak in the floor, the furnace clicking on and humming as it fills the apartment with warm air to take away the chill.  I remove the means of my hearing things and remark (occasionally aloud) “sometimes, silence is golden”.

I have had several conversations lately with friends and acquaintances who haven’t lost hearing.  They don’t understand the things hearing impaired folks go through.  They think it a simple fix to put on a headset.  For me, they hurt my ears and I can’t wear them for long periods of time.  Since Meniere’s tends to cause fluid to build up I find it difficult to put in ear bud and even my hearing aids.  So what do you do?

I have found there are many everyday sounds I am glad I can’t hear.  For others that I miss, I compromise.  Music is a biggie.  If I am listening to a song I knew from before I lost my hearing, i can pretty much understand, pretty much from the memory of it as opposed to actually hearing the words.  However, if it is an unfamiliar song, the words and music blend together and I can’t really understand.  I may know that the music is pretty or repulsive.  but the words will be a blur.  For this I go to my best friend, Google.

I can Google the lyrics of songs and then read them to understand.  Then I read them and listen to the song and it helps me to even better know the song.  I can no longer hear the nuances of music or vocals.  I can’t pick out the individual instruments.  I can however feel.  I can feel the music in my heart and soul.  I can feel the beat, real or imagined.  I can feel the inflection in the heart-felt words of the vocalist.  I may not be able to appreciate things the way most folks do, but I appreciate them in my own way and sometimes better as I can ‘feel’ things that those with good hearing take for granted.