DeeEl's Mo Chroí Scríofa

It’s Criminal

Lately my mind has been twisting and turning (the tornadoes that control my writing) with regards to criminal activity especially in regards to being presumed innocent in this country.  This morning I logged into Facebook to check status updates of those on my contact list.  Usually I go to the page and slowly scroll down skimming what others have said.  If something slaps me in the face, I read it in depth and then leave a comment or click that I like it or something.  This morning I hit two identical updates and not only had to leave comments, but had to make it my update as well.

“IMPORTANT !!!!!!!!!! DO NOT join the group that runs currently on Facebook with the title “becoming a father or mother was the greatest gift of my life” This is a group created by pedophiles whose aim is to access your photos!!!!!!! Please copy & paste this to your status and pass it round…… before someones photo are used inappropriately”

Reading this coupled with the ideas that have been flowing through my mind sent me reeling.  Many television programs run episodes regarding pedophiles, child abusers and child pornographers.  Think mainly about Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.  Having been abused as a child and then going on to work with kids who had been abused, these issues strike at my core.  I still cannot wrap my head around what would make someone feel the need or find pleasure in doing harm to those who cannot defend themselves.

This takes me to the whole “presumed innocent” idea in this country.  This makes me so ill.  How can someone be caught in the act and still be presumed innocent?  A person can be in a room with 20 other people and cameras recording all angles, take out a gun and murder one of those people.  Then according to the law, they allegedly murdered that person.  Presumed innocent?  Hogwash!!  In my series of novels I am writing about the heroine Samantha Neilson, the laws in the country are quite different.  The only time a person on trial is presumed innocent is when there is no evidence or circumstantial evidence against them.  Here, you can be caught in the act and have a mountain of evidence against you and you are still presumed innocent.

What about the innocence of the children who have been abused?  The laws in this area have been getting stricter, however, they are still not tough enough.  Those who steal the innocence from children should be treated at the same level as murderers.  They are, after all, murdering the innocence of the children.  And furthermore, the  non-physical scars left after the abuse is over will last the lifetime of that child.    Perhaps if the consequences are not only tougher, but actually carried out, then we would have fewer people committing the crimes.

I do not have the mind of a criminal.  I once went into a music store and they had such a large stock of sheet music, I felt like a kid in a toy store.  I inadvertently bought pieces I had not intended to buy and didn’t realize it till I was home and going through my cache.  I tried to return them to the store for a refund.  I was advised that there is a federal law which prohibits this.  Even after working years in Juvenile Justice, I received an education regarding the criminal element.  Apparently people buy music, take it and photocopy it and then return it for their money back.  In essence, they steal it.  It is always the innocent ones who have to pay for the crimes of the guilty.

This reminded me of my studies while in Juvenile Justice.  I remember reading about other countries and how they handled various criminal acts.  China got rid of their drug problems virtually over night by executing the drug dealers and rehabbing the known users.  Some countries cut off the hands of thieves.  One country would take a drunk driver and their family way outside their town (in the desert) drop them off and make them walk back home after posting their info in the town center.  These may seem harsh and some would say communistic, but the severity of the consequences detract people from committing the crimes.

One of the commenters to the aforementioned status update alluded to owning a very sharp knife to use in taking care of pedophiles.  Perhaps if pedophiles, child abusers, child molesters and child pornographers all received the death sentence there would be fewer to commit these heinous crimes.  I am also in favor of complete castration and permanent chastity belts.  This problem is ours and until we all work together to stop these, for lack of better wording, dirt-bags, pigs, scum of the earth the problem will only get worse.

Commander?

On January 20, 2009, history was made as the first bi-racial man was inaugurated as the 44th president of the United States of America.  Having a white mother and a black father, Mr. Obama considers himself black.  There is nothing wrong with this.  He is a man of confidence, believing in himself he presents as a strong personality with character and ability.  Many love him for the fact that he is black and made history being elected president.  Many also, despise him for the same reasons.

Having now been in office for 13 months it appears Mr. Obama’s approval ratings have been waning.  I have not conducted any scientific polls, nor have I spent an exuberant amount of time researching polls that have been conducted.  However, I can speculate as to the reasons.  All I really know is my own thoughts and feelings regarding the Commander-In-Chief.

I saw some of the interview that was done on CBS This Morning with Mrs. Obama.  If she was in earnest with her answers to the personal questions posed, then it would seen that Mr. Obama is trying to keep his personal family life real and intact.  This is admirable and should be applauded instead of  disparaged.  I send many kudos to anyone who can work in a public office and maintain as close to normal a family life as is possible for the situation.  Well done.

Personally, I watched eagerly from the first moment during the election as Mr. Obama began to push forth his on-going plea for health care reform (this started for him long before he began his run for the presidency).   Having a chronic illness, I know the cost of health insurance and how rates go up because you have to visit the doctor more than you used to.  Then I lost my job in October 2008 and learned the hard way the feeling of being turned down for insurance due to a chronic illness and finding prices so outrageous I couldn’t have afforded them with a good income, much less unemployment income.  As time went on I continued to watch.  I did not give in to the hype being lodged against the president by members of congress and senate.  I listened to Mr. Obama’s words.  It was his own words while addressing the Senate in September that turned my thoughts against the health care reform.  You can read my thoughts about that in a previous post.

Another issue that I believe has gone against Mr. Obama is his winning of the Nobel Peace Prize in December 2009.  Less then one year in office and he won the Nobel Peace Prize.  I wondered what he did to EARN it other than the fact that he has black skin and was elected as President of the US.  In his speech he acknowledged the fact that he had not fully earned the honor (indicating he feels he has begun to earn it) but in the same respect he did nothing to turn it down and have it given to someone who has truly earned it.

So what kind of a Commander-In-Chief is President Obama?  He can make speeches that are pretty and well written (credit goes to his speech writers).   He accepted a Nobel Peace prize he did not earn.  He has given indication he wants to bring our troops home (can’t do this completely as we have too many military facilities around the world in countries we have no business being in).  He wants to close Guantanamo Bay installations.  It seems however, he has one main focus for his time in office ~  health care reform bill.  He wants it the way he wants it and doesn’t care about how it will have an ill effect on the the majority of the United States.  This makes me wonder what his real agenda is.  Who will really benefit from this bill as he wants it passed?  My money is on the rich healthy people.  The Commander-In-Chief should have more on his mind for this country than one bill which is not a benefit to the country as a whole.  Perhaps if he broadens his vision his approval rating will rise again and not just because of the color of his skin, but because he is really making a difference.

We Are The World Misses It ~~ By A World

When “We Are The World” first came out in March 1985, I remember thinking that it was nice of them to put this together to raise money for African  Famine Relief.  Now twenty-five years later they have remade the song to benefit the earthquake stricken Haiti.  I still think it is a nice song and it is also nice to consider raising money to help others.  However, I do believe that they are missing the big picture and missed it 25 years ago as well.

I was watching the news when they aired a piece about the remake of Michael Jackson and Lionel Richie’s infamous song.  It struck me as odd when they began mentioning the people who would be  participating in this recording.  I went on a mission to learn more and found pretty much the same people had been involved in the original recording.  This group is made up mostly of North American musicians, singers and actors; a handful of English performers and a sprinkling of Latin artists.  I can understand these people wanting to be involved to lay claim that it is Michael Jackson’s project and is a good will song.  What I can’t understand is how they can, in good conscience, perform a song which talks about bringing the world together and not include the rest of the world.

Where are the Haitian’s, Russian’s, Romanian’s, Iraqi’s?  Why are the German’s, Afghan’s, Chinese not involved?  How can you have a song about the people of the world being one and not include a group from all nations of the world?  I haven’t figured out why they allotted a month to complete the original project (which they barely made the deadline for) and this time far less time adding even more undue pressure.

For those who are doing this project and want to do it properly I suggest you step back and add more time to your self-imposed deadline.  Get a clue by actually reading and comprehending the lyrics you are performing.  Get a nice sized grouping of entertainers in ALL nations of the world.  Let them perform the song not only in English, but their native tongue as well.  Taking the time to do this right and being ALL inclusive will provide a much more accurate fulfillment of the words being sung.

If it is FOR the world and ABOUT the world, then it should be delivered BY the world

Health Care Bill = Health Crisis

Terri Carlson wants her 15 minutes of fame and she wants publicity.  Well, I give her publicity here and on Twitter.  Just not the kind she wants.  She lives in California and has been setting up YouTube videos to find herself a husband.  Some may think this a novel idea.  She doesn’t want a husband to love, nor does she want his money.  Ms. Carlson is looking for a man to marry her and add her to his insurance.  She completed a segment on the CBS Morning Show this morning again, begging for a husband.  She did not say what her medical condition is, but on her YouTube this morning before taking her flight she showed she was taking her medical test results with her as proof that the is ill.  She is averring that she, a professed Republican, should be the poster child for President Obama’s health care reform bill.  She has a job working for a disabilities group, but they do not offer health insurance.  She has been buying Cobra Insurance (which everyone will attest to is very expensive), but it runs out in a year.  She feels she must marry someone within a year and be added to his insurance in order to maintain her health care.

Ms. Carlson wants to see the entire bill go through so she will not be denied health care.  I sent her a note via her website.  I spelled out how she is wrong.  This is a selfish act on her part.  I believe that she is aware of this.  She keeps stating this is all fer HER to be able to get benefits.  She does not have other people in mind as she sets out on her talk show arena.  I have blogged in the past about this health care reform bill.  I have read more of it than the politicians we are relying on to vote on our behalf.  The only good thing in the bill as it is written is the section that will make it illegal for insurance companies to deny someone benefits due to a pre-existing condition.  However, Ms. Carlson does not take into consideration that this bill will force everyone to buy insurance even if they cannot afford it.  Yes, there will be some allowance, but they are not very good ones.

In order for this to work, the government needs to revamp many areas, including the Americans with Disabilities Act.  President Obama has had one goal since running for office ~ Health Care Reform.  I watched him and listened to him as I was in favor of this myself.  I did not give into the belief that his reform would bring about euthanasia.  I did not listen to anyone but Mr. Obama.  Unfortunately, it was his words during his address to the Senate in September that turned me against his bill.  He is in a hurry to get this through in order to help a few people he has been trying to help since he first went into politics.  However, he too has missed the big picture, the helping of ALL Americans.  Until all Americans, or at least the largest population of Americans can benefit, this bill needs to be rewritten.  Doctors can increase their costs for people without insurance while charging insurance companies the minimal.  Alcoholics can get disability when alcoholism is their only disability, but people with heart disease and Meniere’s Disease cannot.  This is not a perfect country and the government only wants to put a coat of paint on a decaying wall.

Devastation In Haiti

On Tuesday, January 12, 2010, an earthquake measuring 7.0 on the Richter Scale struck the country of Haiti leaving devastation in its wake.  This is the first earthquake of this magnitude to hit the country in a century.  I have, watched passively the news casts containing graphic photos of the pain and destruction.  I spent a week in Haiti back in 1989.  During this week I celebrated my 24^th birthday.  While I did not go to Haiti to celebrate my birthday, it was an added bonus while I was there.  One of the shots shown on the news was the, now flattened, National Palace.  I looked away fast as tears began to well up in my eyes.  I remembered the day I took this photograph of that same National Palace.  Now it is rubble.

There have been so many thoughts going through my mind the past week since the story first broke of the earthquake.  I think about other natural disasters in recent history around the world.  I think about the loss.  And yes, I think about the time I spent there all those years ago.  I fortify my thoughts by looking through my scrapbook and remembering as if it were last week I was there.  As I look, listen and remember I find myself experiencing a wide range of emotions as well.  Sadness and heartbreak for all those who are there or have loved ones there.  I also feel relief as I know it could have been much worse.

The other emotion that seems to have taken over is anger.  Not because this happened, but anger over the reactions of some Americans.  I can understand they are grieving as their loved ones were there when the earthquake struck and have still not been found.  My issue is with them thinking and crying out as if American lives are of more value than other lives around the world.  There are still many Canadians, Europeans and especially Haitians unaccounted for.  There are over 100 UN staffers missing as well.  I hear the pleas of Americans begging the President of the United States to do everything possible to find the missing Americans.  Why are their lives more valuable?  From what I have seen in news reports the world around is sending aid in some form or fashion to try to find the missing and bring comfort and relief to the rest of the country.  There is nothing more that can be done than is already being done.

Human life is human life.  One life is not of more value than any other.  Narrow mindedness breeds resentment.  It is okay to grieve and want your loved ones back safely, but when you believe they are more important than another persons loved one, you make way for resentment.  I hope they find all those who are missing no matter their skin color, religion or nationality.  Hold good thoughts for all those who are missing, those who are injured, those who died and all their loved ones around the world.  Remember Haiti in all her beauty and splendor.  Like the grandeur found in this, the oldest church in Haiti.

Getting A Job In A Recession = FRUSTRATION

Being out of work for nearly 15 months has given me pause to consider many things.  To start, I hit the rewind button and go back to September ‘08.  The boss came in and let me know what he would be telling all the other employees two hours later (a meeting I couldn’t attend do to a doctor’s appointment).  He began by sitting down and pulling his chair over and said that the decision was made to run the station with only two employees.  He was not one of the employees who would be remaining either.  This was devastating.  I went to keep my appointment and then stopped at the package store on the way home.  I sent e-mails to those I had obligations to that weekend (it was a Friday) to advise I would NOT be in any condition to honor those obligations that weekend.  I then proceeded to plunge into the bottles of tequila, rum and Kahlua I brought home with me.  I remained in a state of shock thinking it was just a dream.  Even after October 31st (the last day of work for all of us) came and went, I was numb with shock (no I did not finish all of the contents of my bottles that weekend, nor did I imbibe continuously).

I finally began looking at things with open eyes (after using my already soaked handkerchief to dry my eyes).  I knew that due to my health I would not be able to get another regular job until I could regain more of my stamina lost from my chronic illness.  I also watched the unemployment numbers soar both locally as well as nationally.  To say I was scared is an understatement.  I had already considered the possibility of my needing to do freelance writing as my physical condition worsened.  But I never anticipated being thrown into it.  I mustered every ounce of focus I could to put things together.  I began by making the decision to start my own business and become a freelance writer.  I then set about reading and studying and putting money into the things I would need to help me along the way.  I even went to a writer’s conference in New York City (Oy vey, what a trip).  Some writer friends shared links to sites where they bid for jobs.

I took an online career test to help me figure out my direction.  The test determined I should be a writer or work in a museum.  I thought, why not put them together and write about museums and historical events.  I laid it all out in my head and then on paper.  I knew the types of magazines and publications I could submit to.  I bought a small camera outfit to add photos to my work for better sales opportunities.  With the help of a friend (the best graphic designer any where.  Just check out my website and other blogs to see her work) I set up my website to begin “pimping” myself out.   I was going in the right direction.  Then I came to a screeching halt.  I realized that I didn’t have a clue about how to get to that place I wanted to be.  I attempted to ask those who have been in the business on a large scale for a long time and was pretty much shut out.  Two even said they would help me and make an appointment with me to just sit down and talk and then they avoided me like the plague.  I guess they saw that I have the talent and they felt I wanted to take over their jobs and clients.  Oh well.

As time has worn on in my endeavors I have grown more and more discouraged.  It doesn’t help when I see those I know with jobs and making an income complain how much they hate their jobs.  I would love to trade with them.  It seems that those who complain about their jobs get all kinds of sympathy from everyone else (I am speaking of status updates on various social networks).  However, when I have made comments voicing my frustration and discouragement from being unemployed and the lack of prospects, I get met with short, bitter statements like “move” or “get over it princess”.   Then there are those who pose questions and when I answer them in a realistic manner (not saying I am giving up totally) they make it sound like I am saying I am doomed and will find nothing.  It seems all of the advise and “encouragement” is coming from those who have at least one household income, their health and continual moral support and encouragement.

Doors get closed (some in your face).  Opportunities fizzle.  Unemployment funds run out.  Bank accounts dry up.  Desperation sets in.  Some folks turn to robbing and conning to get money to pay their bills and put food on the table.  Others take what little money they have and “invest” it in the lottery.  I have been tempted at both of these.  Especially seeing the billboard which brags that the Power Ball is up to $30 Million for the week.    The former, I blew off steam by IMing a friend that I am considering white-collar crime.  Then I can be sent to prison and have my needs taken care of and just spend my days writing.  I even jokingly posted a status update asking if someone could teach me how to get rid of my conscience so I could indulge in criminal behavior since it pays better than being out of work.  I can understand why people turn to this kind of behavior, but I don’t condone it.

The only thing worse than trying to find work during a recession would be to try to find work during a depression.  That is economical or emotional.  So what is one to do in this situation?  There are the optimists who would say to make some lemonade out of these lemons.  Then the pessimists who would tell us to just stay in bed it will never work out anyway.  Cynics?  nothing matters anyway, so why bother.  Nothing I have covered is news.  Well, perhaps you didn’t know about my weekend binge.  I am venting my own frustrations of not being able to get a viable job in the middle of a recession.  Yes, I said middle of.  I know the President and all his mouth pieces have said the recession is ending, but when you have no job and none in sight it is like trying to see the end of your car while driving in the middle of a fog in East Tennessee.  You can’t see that far.

We ARE At War!!!

A year ago I came to learn of a song.  It isn’t a new song by any means.  The song “War Is Over” was written by John Lennon and his wife, Yoko Ono, in 1971.  With the US in the midst of the Vietnam War, John Lennon was very vocal in his anti-war beliefs.  At a time of war it is usually construed that Anti-war is the same as Pro-peace.  Pro-peace is so much, much more than just being against war and violence.  Some say that true peace can only come from Yeshua.  Others believe good Karma and meditation are the path to real peace.  All of this is good and so many other things as well.

I came to know this Lennon song after losing my hearing.  I knew I liked the music but didn’t know what the words were saying.  I did know it was played in the course of a Christmas segment of some sort.  I had a conversation with a friend who loves music and is a wonderful DJ in Second Life™.  I told him some of the words and finally he said it sounded like I was talking about John Lennon’s Happy Xmas.  I promptly went to Google and found myself listening to the song streaming on YouTube with the lyrics showing on the screen.  I listened and read for about 3 hours.  Yes, the same song for three short hours.  I cried so hard as my heart listened to the words as I read them.

War Is Over speaks of reaching out to others; other races, cultures, ages.  As humans we pride ourselves in 20/20 vision.  Perhaps if the entire world population were blind and deaf we would stand a better chance for peace.  We learn to disapprove and even hate those who are different from us.  We are so intent on revising and editing each other to chisel out a world-wide society that is identical to us.  We are alike.  Every human-being all over the world.  We all have bones and blood beneath the skin and hair that holds us together.  We all have hearts that beat and pump the blood through our veins.  We breath air into our lungs.

Where we differ is in our appearances, our beliefs, the way we think.  Yes, some of the ideas we hold are in error (i.e.: thinking ourselves better than everyone else), but not all of them.  It should be out differences that bring us closer together and give us the opportunity to learn from each other.  Perhaps I don’t like to eat pig, does this make those who do evil for doing so?  My skin is pale and I have green eyes.  Does this mean that a person with olive complexion and dark eyes can’t be a good person or my friend?

There is a war that we are all involved in.  It doesn’t matter our age, race, religion, sex or sexual orientation.  WE ARE ALL AT WAR.  The war is for peace.  I will post later regarding fighting.  But when we say we are a peaceful people, we should live it.  Thanks to the wonderful world of Second Life™, I have made friends with people all over the world.  They are of different races, cultures, religions and even sexual orientations.  We met on a different plain and got to know each other and accept each other as human-beings without adding prejudice and bias.  On this last day of  Chanukah, I hope those who celebrate it each received a set of blinders.  I hope those who keep Xmas will also receive some and then for Kwanzaa the same.  Put on your blinders and use ear plugs to fight this war.  Use your heart to get to know other people who are not like you in the way you think and believe.  No one says you have to change your ways and believe as they do.  Education, understanding and acceptance will be our weapons.

Listen and watch John Lennon and do so with your heart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvNRHrKyaX4

Ignorance Isn’t Always Bliss

The assimilation of the internet into the daily lives of the vast population of the world affords the ability to explore the truths about our fellow human beings.  We have, literally, at our fingertips the ability to learn and understand cultures which are not our own.  So why is there still so much ignorance and hatred masquerading as intelligent personage?

On Thursday November 5, 2009, a mass shooting took place on an American military base on US soil.  It has been said that this is the worst shooting at an American military installation in history.  While no reports initially coming out of Fort Hood indicating any type of terrorist activity, people began posting on social networks (i.e.: Facebook, Twitter, etc.) that the shooter was Muslim and indicated it therefore had to be an act of terrorism.

Reports that I watched bespoke Maj. Nidal Malik had had several deployments and was working as a psychiatrist with many individuals returning from deployment with symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  However, even the experts can miss or even supress symptoms of PTSD in themselves.

Ignorance regarding other religions and cultures leads to untoward hatred.  Ignorance regarding mental illness in general and PTSD specifically, leads to fear and ill-fated hatred.  Hence, all roads lead to hatred.

In the 1958 film South Pacific, the song “You Have To Be Taught” was sung by sung by two of the primary leads.  One an American, the other a Frenchman.  they had both fallen in love with someone outside their upbringing.  Trying to justify not following their hearts regarding love, the American and the American the Frenchman fell in love with discussed the hatred they were taught to have toward all those who are different from themselves and their American families.

I was raised more or less sheltered from the hatred in the outside world.  However, I knew that my family was prejudiced against blacks and anyone not of the ‘christian’ faith.  I was not overtly subjected to acts of hatred or even slurs, but I knew.  I even found myself as an adult having similar ideation.

Two years ago I really began to look at myself deeper.  I found myself calling people friend that had I known certain things about them before, I would not have gotten any closer to them than as an acquaintance.  The internet allowed me to get to know people from different religions, cultures and political affiliations without the bias of knowing these things.  I found that I get to know and enjoy people who are differnt from me.

The old cliche’ “nothing new under the sun” is so accurate it’s scary.  Small minded people have been stiring up fear and hatred in otherwise intelligent people since the beginning of time.  The problem today is the ease of information flowing out for our education.  In other words, there is NO excuse for ignorant fear and hatred in societies today.  I wonder if Maj. Malik’s name were Johnson or Greene, would people have been so fast to holler “terrorist”?  Today, education is bliss  ~~  ignorance is remiss.

This post was actually written 11/6/09, however, due to computer issues I was unable to publish it till now.

Debt

There are more ads on television today then I care to even count.  Advertisements promising to help lower or even eliminate your tax debt to the IRS.  Others help you eliminate your credit card debt, which, according to them, may not even be your fault.  Where should the blame be placed for the indebtedness of this country?

If the debt Americans have accrued with credit cards and other forms of credit was combined, I do believe it would resemble the National debt.  Everyday people make decisions and sign for yet another credit card or sign a piece of paper to buy on credit.  It is, after all, the American way.

I pay my taxes, local and federal.  I have my tax returns prepared and submitted by April 15 every year.  this is NOT a new thing in the United States, paying taxes.  So why is it so difficult for people to plan and prepare to make sure and make sure everything is in order by April 15?  Are they waiting and hoping that the government will change its mind about paying taxes or perhaps make special allowances just for them?  If every person in the United States who lives and works here (including those here illegally or on visa) would pay the proper taxes we could greatly diminish the national debt.

Credit!  The other part of the United States financial problems.  However, I am not talking about the United States national debt here.  That is a whole different ballgame I may address at a later time.  it makes me angry every time I see those ads telling people that their credit card debt may not be their fault.  Well, just whose fault is it?  You signed the papers accepting responsibility for any debt you incur using the card.  Yes, there are fees that go along with this.  You know that as it is in the fine print you were supposed to read before signing.  You then sign to purchase what you want on credit.  So, why is this debt NOT your fault?

There once was a time that folks believed in only purchasing things they could afford.  Now the norm is to rack up as much credit debt as possible and then go to an organization to have them make it go away or simply file for bankruptcy.  I say, “WAKE UP YOU IDIOTS!!!”  It is possible to live without amassing deep debt.

When I opened my bank accounts I was very adamant that I did not want any kind of a bank card.  They kept trying to sell me on the credit card or an ATM card.  I continued to decline.  I had no desire to be tempted with what could get me into trouble. It may be less convenient for me to go to the bank during banking hours to make a withdrawal, but I don’t have ATM fees to pay.

Yes, I have one credit card.  It is actually a pre-paid credit card.  I recently took a four day trip to New York City.  I paid for as much as possible before the trip.  then I applied money to my credit card and took very little cash.  What I got from this was a trip that forced me to live within my means and not accrue any added debt.

WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!  If you don’t, what will be your legacy to your children?  DEBT!!

Health Care ~~ Health Disaster

For more than a year, since Mr. Obama began talking about health care reform on the campaign trail, I have listened intently with what he had to say. Half in hope, half in caution I drank in the speeches and listened to all the flowery, sweet-smelling words. Having dabbled in politics years ago and from just being an American citizen, I know better than to put full faith in promises made on the campaign trail. I had to reign in my hopefulness a bit, but I did hope.

Older than his run for the White House is Mr. Obama’s push for health care reform. In fact, this has been his passion from his days in the Senate. It seems that he has had a strong desire to improve a basic need of the citizens in this country. Looking back over Mr. Obama’s past speeches I found that he has mentioned America’s need for health care for at least the past three years.

As president of the United States, Mr. Obama found firmer footing to build his health care reform platform. He met with much opposition and rumors as to the actual truth about his proposal. One of the more prominent rumors was that the proposal was designed to euthanize the elderly. I am not given to follow idle rumors and chose to listen to the words of the one laying the plans.

My hopes continued to grow each time I listened to the president’s speeches addressing healthcare reform. All my adult life I have had health insurance through the jobs I have held. Mostly I would use this insurance for regular check-ups and examinations on the occasion I would become ill. In November 2004, I first presented with the chronic illness of Meneire’s Disease. For the first time I needed full use of my purchased health insurance. Instead of my insurance being a useful tool, it became a source of stress.

Working for a company with less than 20 employees each year our medical co-pay increased drastically. Only a handful subscribed to the insurance and only one of those had a chronic illness. I became downcast upon reading the memo from the insurance company that the reason for the increase was over use to the medical insurance in our company. I and the others knew who was to blame. My response was that it just doesn’t pay to get sick in this country.

October 2008, I lost my job due to the recession. I was given the papers to apply for the standard COBRA insurance that is offered to all insured employees who lose or leave their jobs for whatever reason thereby losing their medical insurance as well. This insurance is generally much more expensive than what one has been paying especially if the company has been paying part or all of the insurance coverage. On top of the added expense a person is expected to pay the fees minus the income they have been accustomed to receiving.

Unable to afford the cost of this insurance I began shopping around for insurance I could afford. My biggest obstacle is my pre-existing condition. All of the insurances are pretty much the same ~ buy the insurance for a year without them covering the pre-existing condition and at the end of the year they will let you know IF they will cover said condition. Chances are if you see a doctor or purchase medications regularly (which you do with chronic illnesses) you will NOT be covered after that year. Then you have wasted a year and all the money used to purchase the insurance.

Thanks to the wonderful world of the internet I have friends all over the world. Over the past eleven months I have chatted with them and on occasion mentioned that I had to cancel doctor appointments because I couldn’t’ afford to go. Those who live in countries with national insurance coverage couldn’t understand why I couldn’t afford to see the doctor. I would explain that our country doesn’t care enough to provide decent medical care for its citizens.

Several years ago I was classified as indigent and treated at the Health Department. We do have one clinic in town for those without insurance which charges on a sliding scale. However, they have a three month wait to see a doctor. At the Health Department the doctor refused to provide medication for my asthma, told me I had an upper respiratory infection and gave me a flu shot. No antibiotics or anything else to treat the infection. I got sicker until I passed out in congregation. A nurse and doctor in the congregation came to my aid. They were both appalled that the doctor would give me a flu shot while I was ill and not provide medications to get better. While I applied for TennCare at the time, I was denied the insurance. Since I was ill, I let the matter drop. Months later I was told by an employee at the Health Department that everyone is denied when they first apply. It is only in appealing that TennCare is granted.

Incidents like this are why I have been in favor of Mr. Obama’s health care reform. However, I changed my opinion when he addressed the Senate on September 9th. I originally planned to write this the day after, but came down with the flu and was in bed for several days. However, while I watched the speech I became doubtful and yes, even angry.

Mr. Obama and the others putting this together, in my opinion, are looking at it from the point of view of those who do not have a chronic illness and have never had to make a choice between purchasing their needed medications or groceries. The way I am reading this healthcare reform, it has way too many holes in it to be of good use to those who could truly benefit and need coverage.

It is my understanding that Mr. Obama wants to make medical insurance mandatory for all citizens the way auto insurance is mandatory for all drivers. To me, this is one more way the government is trying to control the citizens. If you can’t afford the insurance, you can get a waiver so you don’t have to have it. How does this help when many of those who can’t afford the insurance are the ones who really need it?

One big issue for me that Mr. Obama talked about was the coverage for pre-existing conditions. Again, Mr. Obama and his people don’t have a clue what they are doing or saying. Yes, he may make it illegal for an insurance company to deny coverage due to a pre-existing condition, but that doesn’t mean that have to cover the condition. I have been on this road for almost a year now and I am not buying what he is selling.

The United States is one of the richest countries in the world and yet she can’t take care of her own people. There are government employees, at all levels, making at and below poverty level. Wealthy celebrities go to other countries to adopt poor babies to give them a “good” home instead of adopting poor children in this country. I would love to see things come together to show that the United States government really does care about ALL its legal citizens. Right now, from where I stand, I only see the rich getting richer; the poor getting poorer; the healthy remaining healthy and the sick dying.