DeeEl's Mo Chroí Scríofa

Sex, Sexuality And Sexiness

There was a comment left after my previous blog post regarding religion.  I mentioned in that post that there are two topics that are taboo for me to speak on; religion and politics.  Some would believe that sex is a taboo for me to speak on as well.  This is not true.

To say that I am prudish or priggish is quite accurate.  I was raised to behave in a modest manner and to believe that certain things should remain private.  I still hold to these things as true today.  I am neither a voyeur nor an exhibitionist.

These days it seems sex is used to sell pretty much everything.  There has been an advertisement on television of late displaying a stick-thin model indulging in a huge hamburger from a certain fast food chain in a seductive manner.  First of all they don’t show you the part where she may take the bite, but spits it out having neither chewed nor swallowed it.  Secondly, this type of advertisement will not induce me to purchase the hamburger the model is not consuming.  It being a female model has no baring on my decision.  You could put a top male model in her place and I would still not be enticed.

When the reality television program Dancing With The Stars first launched I thought it would be really nice to see celebrities learning how to ballroom dance.  However, it has turned into a sex-fest.  Last season was the only season I have watched the show.  I only watched and voted because there was an uproar over Chaz Bono participating.  I did write a post on that http://dlbach.com/deeels/2011/09/02/hatred-unfounded/.  The controversy was over Mr. Bono’s transexuality, yet there is no problem with the females being clad very skimpily nor the males removing their clothing.

A number of years ago I had a knee injury and had to undergo physical therapy.  One of the therapists would always start debates with me regarding movie content.  He found it difficult to believe that a grown woman such as myself would only go to movies rated G, PG or PG-13.  He would argue that sex, violence and foul language were everywhere.  I heartily agreed with this statement.  However, that does not mean that I am either going to go out looking for it or pay my hard-earned money to see it on the screen.

Many people believe that the fewer clothes a person is wearing and the more seductive the pose makes that person sexier.  With this I disagree.  A previous job I had, a certain manager would (as all the managers did) wear suits to work every day.  One weekend morning he came in wearing sweats in order to perform inventory in his area.  A fair amount of his inventory was in the racks across from my office.  I sat there going about my duties, but also watched as he went about his. 

We engaged in idle chit-chat as we always did.  At one point I stopped what I was doing and just looked at him.  I told him I wanted to tell him something, but asked him not to take it the wrong way.  He knew me well enough to know that what ever I was about to say would be purely innocent and he said I should proceed.  I went on to tell him that he was a very sexy man.  He blushed a deep shade of red and kind of got choked up.  I explained that even though he was wearing sweats and was kind of dusty and dirty from taking inventory, he was still the same as if he were wearing his usual business suite.

Sexiness has nothing to do with what a person is or is not wearing, it has everything to do with attitude.  This gentleman was a handsome man, he felt he was at least a bit attractive, but would never consider himself sexy.  I had never considered him that way before either.  However, after that day we would both blush whenever we would look at each other.

Just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is sex, sexuality and sexiness.  While I may not go around discussing sex and I most assuredly do not write about it in my poetry, short stories or novels, I am still a sexual being.  It is the small minded people who will torment others because of their beliefs and try to get them to behave the way they do.  This is why terms such as prude and priggish are deemed negative just as gay and lesbian are in many groups.  The only thing that is a must is that you are true to who you are.  Trying to be something or someone you are not will only leave you miserable.

Love Is The Word

In this day and age, the world over people do not consider the words they speak.  As a writer I consider words all the time.  One thing I have come to realize was that people use various words even if they do not truly mean them.  A few words that I rarely use are family, friend and love.  More than a year ago, on writing.com, I created a poll called “What Is Love?”  I have received some very interesting reviews and comments regarding this poll.  I had not planned on writing using any of the material until I was satisfied with the number of votes cast and could allow the information to direct other polls to create in gathering my information and then dive into the place it took me.  A lot of comments were about the limited options (WDC only allows for nine options) and my coupling certain options.  Recently I reworked the poll and placed it here on my blogs sidebar.  I have added more options, including “Other” and unpaired some of the others.  I invite everyone to participate and pass the link on to others to allow optimal participation.

My poll on WDC was only open to members and I desired a more global allowance of participants.  It seems that writer’s have interesting thoughts concerning love.  The way I pose my question and the selection of options caused many to pause before replying.  On the surface the question seems quite simple.  Then you view the options and begin to question what you really think.  I can not recall exactly why I designed this poll, except that I wanted to write an article.  What my prompt was I do not know.  As I ponder this I am sure that I was brought to this poll due to my own thoughts about love.  I actually put my response in the options – “A word in the dictionary”.

The first nine years of my life all I knew of love was that it had to hurt.  If someone said “I love you” then they wanted to hurt you, physically and/or emotionally.  Then I found religion and thought I was heading in the right direction when it came to love.  Yes, there were still those in my life that would continue to hurt me, but I thought I had found a different kind of love.  Then I got sick with a chronic illness that has no known cause/no known cure and all of that seemed to vanish.

I love teddy bears.  I love to write.  I love to read.  I love, love, love mangoes.  I love music.  It has been more years than I can count since I have said “I love you” to anyone.  In Second Life, I do occasionally say “I love my SLamily”, but it is usually said a bit facetiously when the crew are acting all silly and goofy.  I have noticed that most folks use that line very rapidly.  In the beginning of romantic relationships it can be a bit explosive.  But those who know each other a long time or are related in any manner say it all the time.  They end telephone and IM conversations with it and even sign cards, letters and e-mails with it.  Sometimes I think it is out of habit or expectation.  It isn’t that I have no feelings for the person I am speaking with.  I just don’t like using such powerful words on a whim for one.  I also have such negative memories for those who have used those words with me and I do not want to use something for someone I care about with ugliness attached to it.

So, take the poll and give it some real consideration when you answer, “What is love?”  Then look at how it applies to you and your life in respect to those you care about.