My thoughts weren’t just about the eggs as eggs.  I kept thinking how I said that eggs were all the same no matter the color.  This is like people.  No matter the color of your skin, eyes and hair, every human being is the same.  I recall the old movie Tammy And The Bachelor.  During the course of the movie, the uneducated swamp girl, Tammy makes a startling statement about war.  In essence she said that if people would remember that under all the armor and clothing there is nothing but flesh and blood, perhaps there would be few wars.  Oh, the innocence.

Those who have followed my blog for any length of time have already figured where I am going.  My favorite topic to write about in here – PEACE.  Just like those eggs in my refrigerator, people are the same.  We may look different on the outside, but inside we are flesh, blood and bones.  The shell may be different sizes or colors or perhaps shapes slightly off; but inside there is a yolk and the whites.

When we focus on the differences we have there is strife and war.  It will only be when we focus on what we have in common (i.e.: being human beings for one) that we can truly accept others and bring about peace in the world.  Greet people without noticing what is on the outside.  Nearly three years ago, to escape the illness that has invaded my body, I entered Second Life (I have a blog just about that and have mentioned it before).  I began getting to know people where all I could see of them was their avatar representative.  After a while I was getting to know them not as their Second Life persona, but who they are in the real world.  It hit me one day that had I been walking down the road in the real world and passed most of these people, at the most I would have just given them a glance, but we would never have become friends.  I used to think I was not a prejudice kind of person, that I was very accepting.  I learned how wrong I was.  I can now boast that I have friends from all walks of life, skin colors, religions, races, nationalities, etc.  I got to know them as people keeping in mind that there was a human being on the other side of the computer, not just a bunch of pixels.

To the rest of the world I offer this advice – Put your blinders on and meet some eggs.

I was recently reading the article “Private Places” in the March/April edition of Sierra  Magazine.  It was about a handful of vets on an Outward Bound expedition in the Sierra mountains.  The article began with a quote by one of the vets stating not to ask if any of them had ever killed anyone.  I pondered this and considered past stories I have heard.  The WWII vets weren’t commemorated with a memorial, WWI vets waited till late in life (Harry Patch didn’t speak till he was 100 years old) to tell their stories and now the current war in Iraq have all produced veterans not desiring to speak about what happened.  In part PTSD is accountable, but also (I speak only from what I have seen and imagine I would feel as I have never fought in a war) wanting to spare innocents from the hell of war,

Many in the media like to press and try to force the vets to talk openly about their experiences.  I think those so-called journalists should be put on the front lines with only their pencil and a tablet of paper and no journalist credentials.  If they make it back alive, allow their fellow journalists to force them to talk.

I love history and believe everyone should tell their stories.  However, there are certain lines that should never be crossed.  Asking someone if they have ever killed another human being (except for police questioning regarding murder) is just wrong.  Asking how it felt to take another human life, just to get a story should never be allowed.  Encouraging vets to tell their stories is well worth it.  Being able to take down the history of what happened can be passed on to future generations instead of having false information come in to play decades later such as has happened with the American Revolution, the creation of the first flag, the American Civil War, etc.   However, you do not need to record the number of people one soldier has killed nor the method and how they felt about killing another person.

During the local Independence Day telecast, the news anchors interviewed a local soldier just returned from the war.  The first question asked was “How was that for you?”  I was amazed at that, although I don’t know why.  Give veterans a bit of breathing room when they return.  Have respect for what they have just experienced knowing that they are forever changed.  When they are ready to talk, ask.  But, don’t ask if or how they have killed someone.  That is one experience no one should have to live through the first time, let alone reliving it to satisfy your morbid curiosity.

I don’t remember the last time I fully grieved.  Maybe it was in 1981 when Grandmaw died.  I remember the pain when I went through it and how stifling it was.  Now I remember Grandmaw and I am sad because I still miss her, however, the memories are sweet.

There are so many that I have lost since Grandmaw, but I don’t remember fully grieving.  I remember the pain at the loss, but when I try to go further in my memories there is anger – so I stop.  I stop and bury the feelings.  Yes, I know everyone has a right to their feelings and they should be expressed, but not me.

To be the good one, I always desired, but never was.  I have, through the years, learned to repress my feelings.  When I was angry, I was punished.  When I would cry because I was unhappy, I was punished.  When I would be happy, I was turned away.  When I would show love or affection, I would be hurt.  So the easy thing to do was to repress.  The English have it right – don’t display what you feel.  This I can do.

I am neither a masochist nor a sadist.  I have virtually no tolerance for pain, nor do I enjoy inflicting pain, especially on myself.  This is reason enough for me not to grieve.  If I start, I may not stop at this point.  And then again, there is no one there to catch me as I fall.  So I repress.

Recently I have discovered a new tool to add to my repertoire –cynicism.  Although I am new to this concept I am finding it to be just another useful mechanism to keep from dealing with the hurt, pain and anger that keeps coming my way.  When posed with the age old question “is the cup half full or half empty?” I would always respond half full!  Now I retorted, “It’s not my cup.  I don’t care.”

I can cry. I do cry — when I am alone. I scream -– when I am alone.  I yell and fuss — when I am alone.  To bring my anger against me means much frustration. To bring my anger against others could mean they retaliate and well… So I remain angry and frustrated while displaying to the world that all is well. It has to be.  Debbie is always fine.  Debbie needs no one.  Debbie will always be fine. At least that is what the world will always see.

Pain, I am resolved, will always be part of my life.  My deductions for now are that I am only meant for pain; be it physical or emotional.  So, for now at least, cynicism is a means to escape the pain, anger and drudge of life.

Will this to become my sole way of dealing with things?  Probably not. Will cynicism always be in my life?  Probably not.  However, for now it is useful.  Maybe someday someone will enter my life and I will be able to trust them enough to let them be there as I open the floodgates and feel the pain. For now, the cup it isn’t mine, find the owner yourself.

Later last night I was taken back in my feelings to when I was a kid.  My pulse was racing and I was quite flustered.  I made it through the event and then somehow, I made it through the night.  When I finally got out of bed and turned on the news I heard another disturbing story.  It was reported, for the second time in a week, that a teen had committed suicide due to teasing and bullying.  Everything from the night before and from my youth came flooding back to me.  It seems we don’t usually hear about it in the news that a child has been tormented and teased unless they deal with it outwardly by taking a gun and shooting those who have terrorized them.  We tend to ignore or sweep under the rug those who can take no more of the teasing (even if it is said to be done in fun) and they take their own life.

Jokes and pranks should not hurt or harm.  Comedy is the same.  But it seems more and more (especially in the United States) that the only way to have a laugh is to cause pain to someone else.  I try to just roll with it when others find they need to disrespect me or do things they know I do not like.  I do this because all my life those who cause me pain follow my complaints with “you need to lighten up” or “we are just having fun and joking”.  In other words, the person being tormented is accused of causing the pain because the terrorists mean it as a joke only.  Double whammy.  How is it funny when you cause another human being to cry themselves to sleep?  How is it funny if the one you torment has finally had enough and returns with a gun to make the pain (you) go away?  How is it funny when the one being tormented has finally stepped over the edge and they take away your source of entertainment by eliminating themselves?

Jokes and having fun should not be at the expense of someone else and their feelings.  Let me repeat that.  Jokes and having fun should NEVER be at the expense of someone else and their feelings.  If you see what you presume to be a weakness in another person, it is your duty as a human being to help that person to strengthen it and build them up.  But instead, you find it funny to use that weakness against them.  Just because they don’t like your abuse and terrorizing ways does not make them less a person then you.  Try complimenting and treating others with respect, the same respect you demand for yourself.  No, I do not like April 1st.  Too many fools think they have free license to torment and terrorize other human beings and those human beings are supposed to accept it and like it because it is in the name of fun and April Fools Day.

Having now been in office for 13 months it appears Mr. Obama’s approval ratings have been waning.  I have not conducted any scientific polls, nor have I spent an exuberant amount of time researching polls that have been conducted.  However, I can speculate as to the reasons.  All I really know is my own thoughts and feelings regarding the Commander-In-Chief.

I saw some of the interview that was done on CBS This Morning with Mrs. Obama.  If she was in earnest with her answers to the personal questions posed, then it would seen that Mr. Obama is trying to keep his personal family life real and intact.  This is admirable and should be applauded instead of  disparaged.  I send many kudos to anyone who can work in a public office and maintain as close to normal a family life as is possible for the situation.  Well done.

Personally, I watched eagerly from the first moment during the election as Mr. Obama began to push forth his on-going plea for health care reform (this started for him long before he began his run for the presidency).   Having a chronic illness, I know the cost of health insurance and how rates go up because you have to visit the doctor more than you used to.  Then I lost my job in October 2008 and learned the hard way the feeling of being turned down for insurance due to a chronic illness and finding prices so outrageous I couldn’t have afforded them with a good income, much less unemployment income.  As time went on I continued to watch.  I did not give in to the hype being lodged against the president by members of congress and senate.  I listened to Mr. Obama’s words.  It was his own words while addressing the Senate in September that turned my thoughts against the health care reform.  You can read my thoughts about that in a previous post.

Another issue that I believe has gone against Mr. Obama is his winning of the Nobel Peace Prize in December 2009.  Less then one year in office and he won the Nobel Peace Prize.  I wondered what he did to EARN it other than the fact that he has black skin and was elected as President of the US.  In his speech he acknowledged the fact that he had not fully earned the honor (indicating he feels he has begun to earn it) but in the same respect he did nothing to turn it down and have it given to someone who has truly earned it.

So what kind of a Commander-In-Chief is President Obama?  He can make speeches that are pretty and well written (credit goes to his speech writers).   He accepted a Nobel Peace prize he did not earn.  He has given indication he wants to bring our troops home (can’t do this completely as we have too many military facilities around the world in countries we have no business being in).  He wants to close Guantanamo Bay installations.  It seems however, he has one main focus for his time in office ~  health care reform bill.  He wants it the way he wants it and doesn’t care about how it will have an ill effect on the the majority of the United States.  This makes me wonder what his real agenda is.  Who will really benefit from this bill as he wants it passed?  My money is on the rich healthy people.  The Commander-In-Chief should have more on his mind for this country than one bill which is not a benefit to the country as a whole.  Perhaps if he broadens his vision his approval rating will rise again and not just because of the color of his skin, but because he is really making a difference.

I was watching the news when they aired a piece about the remake of Michael Jackson and Lionel Richie’s infamous song.  It struck me as odd when they began mentioning the people who would be  participating in this recording.  I went on a mission to learn more and found pretty much the same people had been involved in the original recording.  This group is made up mostly of North American musicians, singers and actors; a handful of English performers and a sprinkling of Latin artists.  I can understand these people wanting to be involved to lay claim that it is Michael Jackson’s project and is a good will song.  What I can’t understand is how they can, in good conscience, perform a song which talks about bringing the world together and not include the rest of the world.

Where are the Haitian’s, Russian’s, Romanian’s, Iraqi’s?  Why are the German’s, Afghan’s, Chinese not involved?  How can you have a song about the people of the world being one and not include a group from all nations of the world?  I haven’t figured out why they allotted a month to complete the original project (which they barely made the deadline for) and this time far less time adding even more undue pressure.

For those who are doing this project and want to do it properly I suggest you step back and add more time to your self-imposed deadline.  Get a clue by actually reading and comprehending the lyrics you are performing.  Get a nice sized grouping of entertainers in ALL nations of the world.  Let them perform the song not only in English, but their native tongue as well.  Taking the time to do this right and being ALL inclusive will provide a much more accurate fulfillment of the words being sung.

If it is FOR the world and ABOUT the world, then it should be delivered BY the world

On Tuesday, January 12, 2010, an earthquake measuring 7.0 on the Richter Scale struck the country of Haiti leaving devastation in its wake.  This is the first earthquake of this magnitude to hit the country in a century.  I have, watched passively the news casts containing graphic photos of the pain and destruction.  I spent a week in Haiti back in 1989.  During this week I celebrated my 24^th birthday.  While I did not go to Haiti to celebrate my birthday, it was an added bonus while I was there.  One of the shots shown on the news was the, now flattened, National Palace.  I looked away fast as tears began to well up in my eyes.  I remembered the day I took this photograph of that same National Palace.  Now it is rubble.

There have been so many thoughts going through my mind the past week since the story first broke of the earthquake.  I think about other natural disasters in recent history around the world.  I think about the loss.  And yes, I think about the time I spent there all those years ago.  I fortify my thoughts by looking through my scrapbook and remembering as if it were last week I was there.  As I look, listen and remember I find myself experiencing a wide range of emotions as well.  Sadness and heartbreak for all those who are there or have loved ones there.  I also feel relief as I know it could have been much worse.

The other emotion that seems to have taken over is anger.  Not because this happened, but anger over the reactions of some Americans.  I can understand they are grieving as their loved ones were there when the earthquake struck and have still not been found.  My issue is with them thinking and crying out as if American lives are of more value than other lives around the world.  There are still many Canadians, Europeans and especially Haitians unaccounted for.  There are over 100 UN staffers missing as well.  I hear the pleas of Americans begging the President of the United States to do everything possible to find the missing Americans.  Why are their lives more valuable?  From what I have seen in news reports the world around is sending aid in some form or fashion to try to find the missing and bring comfort and relief to the rest of the country.  There is nothing more that can be done than is already being done.

Human life is human life.  One life is not of more value than any other.  Narrow mindedness breeds resentment.  It is okay to grieve and want your loved ones back safely, but when you believe they are more important than another persons loved one, you make way for resentment.  I hope they find all those who are missing no matter their skin color, religion or nationality.  Hold good thoughts for all those who are missing, those who are injured, those who died and all their loved ones around the world.  Remember Haiti in all her beauty and splendor.  Like the grandeur found in this, the oldest church in Haiti.

It wasn’t till more than twenty years later that I would be able to really feel the honor that was bestowed that day.  I had heard the term reading between the lines before, but I don’t think I actually understood it to its fullest meaning.  I have never set out to be special or try to do things that are different from everyone else.   I think it is just that I see things from my hearts point of view and thus find different meanings in the way things are spoken and written.  After my book was released, I had a friend come to my house and ask me to sign a few copies so she and her mama could give them as gifts.  I sat looking at her and the books pondering what to write.  They wanted me to address them to certain people, write something and then sign the book.  I didn’t want to be like everyone else.  I have received autographed books and had a few signed personally as well.  I either get just a signature or “Best wishes” and a signature.  Then my mind went back to the person who told me I have a way of reading between the lines.  I had my autograph.

It made sense to me to do it this way.  There is so much to be learned when you go outside the box or in this case read between the lines.  So often we go through the motions of everything we do.  Our lives are so routine that we can drive our cars from point A to point B and sometimes wonder what happened in between.  We read the paper (or the on-line news) and it is all the same unless something really juts out and is different.  Try taking a breath and look at things from a different point of view.  Go outside the box, read between the lines and there you will find pleasure.

FIND PLEASURE BETWEEN THE LINES!!

I have loved jazz for a long time.  Jazz and blues are very closely related so I am a fan of each.  Seems everyone knows my favorite is Louis Armstrong.  It is often said that jazz is the black man’s music and white men have tried to take it for their own.  I have also heard it called African Music.  I honestly do not believe any of this.  Jazz is the music of peace.  It transcends race, gender and age to bring everyone together for a meeting of the heart, mind and soul.  President and Mrs. Obama were seated in the balcony with the honorees.  Secret Service were there as well.  The agents assigned to protect the president are to be alert and always focused on what is around them.  I usually think of Royal guards who aren’t allow to move at all while they are standing guard when I think of the Secret Service agents.  While the cameras were capturing the faces of those in attendance during the performances I watched.  During Dave Brubeck’s presentation I noted the faces and posture of those the cameras caught.  When they were focused on the First Couple I noticed the Agent seated behind them.  His eyes were focused and watching everything around them, but his head was moving to the beat of the music.

Wide shots throughout caught everyone with heads bopping, feet tapping and fingers drumming to the fine jazz music being played.  Black, white, Hispanic, male, female, actor, musician, president.  It didn’t matter who they were, they felt the heartbeat of the music that is jazz.  If it moves your body, even your toe to tap, then it has reached your soul.  And that is JAZZ.

I came to know this Lennon song after losing my hearing.  I knew I liked the music but didn’t know what the words were saying.  I did know it was played in the course of a Christmas segment of some sort.  I had a conversation with a friend who loves music and is a wonderful DJ in Second Life™.  I told him some of the words and finally he said it sounded like I was talking about John Lennon’s Happy Xmas.  I promptly went to Google and found myself listening to the song streaming on YouTube with the lyrics showing on the screen.  I listened and read for about 3 hours.  Yes, the same song for three short hours.  I cried so hard as my heart listened to the words as I read them.

War Is Over speaks of reaching out to others; other races, cultures, ages.  As humans we pride ourselves in 20/20 vision.  Perhaps if the entire world population were blind and deaf we would stand a better chance for peace.  We learn to disapprove and even hate those who are different from us.  We are so intent on revising and editing each other to chisel out a world-wide society that is identical to us.  We are alike.  Every human-being all over the world.  We all have bones and blood beneath the skin and hair that holds us together.  We all have hearts that beat and pump the blood through our veins.  We breath air into our lungs.

Where we differ is in our appearances, our beliefs, the way we think.  Yes, some of the ideas we hold are in error (i.e.: thinking ourselves better than everyone else), but not all of them.  It should be out differences that bring us closer together and give us the opportunity to learn from each other.  Perhaps I don’t like to eat pig, does this make those who do evil for doing so?  My skin is pale and I have green eyes.  Does this mean that a person with olive complexion and dark eyes can’t be a good person or my friend?

There is a war that we are all involved in.  It doesn’t matter our age, race, religion, sex or sexual orientation.  WE ARE ALL AT WAR.  The war is for peace.  I will post later regarding fighting.  But when we say we are a peaceful people, we should live it.  Thanks to the wonderful world of Second Life™, I have made friends with people all over the world.  They are of different races, cultures, religions and even sexual orientations.  We met on a different plain and got to know each other and accept each other as human-beings without adding prejudice and bias.  On this last day of  Chanukah, I hope those who celebrate it each received a set of blinders.  I hope those who keep Xmas will also receive some and then for Kwanzaa the same.  Put on your blinders and use ear plugs to fight this war.  Use your heart to get to know other people who are not like you in the way you think and believe.  No one says you have to change your ways and believe as they do.  Education, understanding and acceptance will be our weapons.

Listen and watch John Lennon and do so with your heart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvNRHrKyaX4