Thanksgiving Memories
Growing up in the United States, I learned that the last Thursday in November was set aside for family, food and giving thanks. When my grandmother was alive, this was a very happy time for me. Not only did I get to spend time with her cooking for days before, I would spend time with her cleaning afterward. There was always lots of family, some I only saw once every year or so and others that I would see a lot of. Mostly I remember happiness with lots of wonderful food on Thanksgiving Day as I was growing up.
About a year or two before my grandmother passed away, my aunt began hosting the annual fun-fest. I say this with tongue-in-cheek as things began changing when my grandmother got sick and could no longer host the family events. Bitterness set in and that brought lots of bickering. Since I was a young teen, I was not privy to most of the issues at hand. One constant was those who presumed they did most of the work were angry that others were partaking without even offering to lend a hand. Funny, as a child I recall it was Grandmaw who did most of the work, but I do not remember her ever complaining as she enjoyed the time with her family.
I came to dread the holidays and spending time with the family, especially after my grandmother passed. It seemed the holidays were the appropriate time to bash each other and hurl the worst insults that could be found. I thought holidays were supposed to bring families together and, especially Thanksgiving Day, finding all the reasons to be thankful. I must have had a grave misconception in this area.
The happiest Thanksgiving I recall following my grandmothers death was the year my long-time friend Denise invited me to spend it with her and her family. I was probably about 19 at the time and expected to feel very claustrophobic as she comes from a rather large family. At the most, growing up, we had about two dozen coming and going from my grandparents home. With Denise’s parents, siblings, their spouses and children alone they had over two dozen. Then you sprinkle in an odd uncle and aunt or two. That is a lot of people.
Denise knew how miserable I was contemplating another Thanksgiving dinner with my family and being the main source of abusive entertainment for everyone. Therefore, she suggested with an insistent tone that I come to her parents house and spend the day with them. I knew her family quite well and admired them for their closeness and love for each other so I graciously accepted the invitation.
I walked up the block to the Fulton abode and almost before I could knock on the door I was greeted heartily by a couple of the children. Everyone else filtered in and made me feel welcome. One thing I really enjoyed was they treated me, not like a guest, but as they treated each other, like family. There was no difference with any other time I had been to their home, except ALL of them were there at one time.
Dinner was very animated with all the lively conversation. It was filled with respect for each other and very comfortable as if they had been acting this way all their lives. I knew they had, because this is how they behaved any other time of year when I would have the honor of being within the warmth of this home. Mr. Arness (my name for Denise’s dad due to a photo of him resembling James Arness the actor) reminded me a lot of my grandfather, except he was more vocal than my grandfather.
After the feasting came the festing. Christmas music was put on and everyone just had fun with each other. I was sitting there watching the whirlwind of excitement and entertainment going on around me and comparing it to my own family. Denise came over and grabbed my hands and pulled me to my feet to begin dancing to the upbeat holiday music swelling the air with the lingering aromas of turkey and pie.
As tears fill my eyes remembering times long since committed to the archival parts of my brain, I ponder my more recent Thanksgivings. I have not had a full thanksgiving dinner since 2005, the last time since being sick that I was still able to cook it. As this dragon makes life more and more difficult for me, I spend most of my time resting and doing little things. I also try to use it to get some writing done as I know I will not be receiving IMs or anything from anyone since the majority of my US friends (who all live in my computer) will be with their families and loved ones.
For this Thanksgiving, provide your kin with reasons to be thankful, not regret. I bid all y’all a wonderful time with your loved ones giving thanks for each other and letting them know you are grateful for them being in your life.
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