This scene reminded me of my grandmother years ago. She had Type 2 Diabetes and back then you pretty much went to one doctor and since he was “educated” you trusted him.  My grandmother didn’t ask questions, but took what the doctor said as being the bottom-line truth.  She took more medications then I could count (and I tried since I was, at one point, responsible for giving her her medications each day).  I was a young teen and didn’t know any better so I accepted what was said by the doctor via my grandmother.

In the present day, I consider my own illness.  When I saw my ENT for the first time and he ordered a bunch of tests, I looked over the slip of paper in my hand.  At this time we were trying to determine what was causing me to suffer from vertigo.  He had just ruled out inner-ear infection which was my speculation.  Having worked in a doctor’s lab which ran blood tests and such, I knew most of the tests on the list.  The ones I didn’t recognize, I brought the doctor back in the exam room and questioned.  It was a good thing I did as one of the tests the phlebotomists in my primary doctor’s office had never heard of either. 

Through the entire seven month process of diagnosing me, I questioned.  I asked every question I could think of.  I went on the internet and researched.  In this modern age we are forced to reside in, we have no excuse to remain silent with our doctors.  I know my body better then they do (everyone should get to know their body better).  Many doctors still take offense if you know more about you then they do.  But if it is the first time they are seeing you, how can they know you better?

Let me go back to a previous thought – Get to know your own body.  Allow me to repeat that – GET TO KNOW YOUR OWN BODY!!  When I moved to Knoxville and my previous doctor in Morristown referred me to my current doctor, I went in for my first physical exam with him.  I told him straight up my normal temperature (which is not 98.6), my normal blood pressure and other idiosyncrasies of my body.  (There are ways to determine your normal BP, temperature and other thing)  At one point in the exam he stepped back, looked at me and said, “You’re a singer, aren’t you?”  In his many years of practice he had come to see that singers tend to know their bodies better then the average person.  I would have thought athletes would be in that class, but apparently not.  Know yourself inside and out.  You are the only one who can tell your doctor things to help him help you instead of him playing guessing games and you getting sicker.

If your doctor is requesting tests, especially if he has never requested them before, find out what the test is and exactly why he is requesting it.  I once suffered from headaches for a few months and was seeing a transitional doctor who took offense that I knew myself better than he knew me.  I was thinking the headaches had something to do with an illness I had just before they started which this doctor said was the flu (it wasn’t).  I said I had headaches to him and he had me move my head around and said, “I think you have a brain tumor”.  I nearly fell off the table.  He ran all kinds of tests and found nothing.  I still held to the fact it was that I had an infection (I rarely get fevers and if I do, since my normal body temp is lower than the average, it doesn’t register as a fever).  I still had some left over antibiotics from where my oral surgeon switched them out when I had my wisdom teeth removed several months before.  I took those and the headaches went away as did other minor symptoms I still had.

Bottom line on this post is to be smart.  Get to know your body.  If you are unwell and need to go to the doctor, have a list of questions to ask your doctor.  You are paying for his time, don’t let him rush you.  Ask the questions until you are satisfied with the answers and know what is going on.  You are part of your medical team.  Even if you don’t have a chronic illness like I do, you still have a team of doctors (GP, Eye doctor, dentist, OB/GYN, etc) who all should have one goal – to keep you healthy.  Make the most of it.

I spent last night in and out of sleep.  When I was out of sleep I was thinking about everything that still has to be done.  I woke up thinking about this post.

There are those who will wonder why I didn’t come to them with all of this.  Well, how could I bring you my tears when you didn’t want to share in my laughter?  In my life I have had one thing in my heart that I have striven to bring forth to the world in my meager words and that is peace through understanding and acceptance.  The world has not listened.  My heart is not to be heard.  The world is not ready to hear what is in my heart, for it would rather hold onto its anger and hatred.

Perhaps in my next life, the world will be ready to hear what is in my heart.  I believe that the intent of the heart follows you into your next life, so perhaps I have been trying to get the world to hear my heart for generations.  Not this life, but hopefully the next.  If you desire to me honor after I am gone, then remember the message of my heart and learn to accept others no matter the differences and understand that everyone is a human being above all else.

True peace will come when people move beyond the fears of what is different and accept everyone as individual human beings without the anger and hatred that continues to bind this world through ignorance.

I know you are wondering what this little tale has to do with the title of this post.  A lot.  Back in my grandmother’s day it was called “the change”.  The more accurate name is menopause.  A number of years ago, my best friend, Sissy (rest her soul) went through the change.  No one could live with her.  Her husband, daughter and even I avoided her most of the time.  Her mood swings were so bad that one time she even bragged to me about calling the secretary of her church a B****.  Sissy, like me,  never cussed.   This was strange for me to comprehend.  Those close to her finally figured out what was going on with her.  While we still avoided her a good deal, we tried to be more understanding.  This prompted me to have a bit of a conversation with my aunt.  I asked her (I am very naive) if she had been through the change yet.  After she stopped laughing she affirmed that she had.  I told her about Sissy and inquired as to the symptoms my aunt had.  She said all she had was hot flashes.

About a year or so ago I began noticing definite changes in my menses.  In the last few months I have noticed my demeanor changing.  I get upset and even angry faster.  I am still good at holding my tongue, excepting this morning.  I keep everything inside and don’t tell people what I truly feel.  I figured this change was due to Meniere’s and the way it has been treating me of late.  I also attributed my change to loneliness as I do not have interactions with people on a regular basis.  This mornings display gave me pause and I took the drive out west to try to consider what was going on with me.  Hot flashes and night sweats have been with me intermittently for a while now.

I once had someone describe menopause to me as one minute you have your head in the freezer and the next in the oven.  I thought she was joking.   Women are just now being overtly educated regarding this change.  When I was growing up it was still a bit of a taboo subject that everyone knew about, but did not speak of, especially in polite company.  Now it is all over the television, radio, movies and print media.  There are pills you can take to supposedly help lessen the severity of the symptoms of menopause.  More drugs.  Seems there is a pill for just about everything these days.  I am, as my GYN says, pre-menopausal.  I suppose things will get worse as I continue into the change.  Until I am safely on the other side of this, I will do all within my power to continue to hold my tongue and keep a fan nearby.  However, if, on the rare occasion, I slip and call you a plebeian, please try to be understanding and know that it is not how I honestly feel.  It will be the hormones going crazy within.

Ms. Carlson wants to see the entire bill go through so she will not be denied health care.  I sent her a note via her website.  I spelled out how she is wrong.  This is a selfish act on her part.  I believe that she is aware of this.  She keeps stating this is all fer HER to be able to get benefits.  She does not have other people in mind as she sets out on her talk show arena.  I have blogged in the past about this health care reform bill.  I have read more of it than the politicians we are relying on to vote on our behalf.  The only good thing in the bill as it is written is the section that will make it illegal for insurance companies to deny someone benefits due to a pre-existing condition.  However, Ms. Carlson does not take into consideration that this bill will force everyone to buy insurance even if they cannot afford it.  Yes, there will be some allowance, but they are not very good ones.

In order for this to work, the government needs to revamp many areas, including the Americans with Disabilities Act.  President Obama has had one goal since running for office ~ Health Care Reform.  I watched him and listened to him as I was in favor of this myself.  I did not give into the belief that his reform would bring about euthanasia.  I did not listen to anyone but Mr. Obama.  Unfortunately, it was his words during his address to the Senate in September that turned me against his bill.  He is in a hurry to get this through in order to help a few people he has been trying to help since he first went into politics.  However, he too has missed the big picture, the helping of ALL Americans.  Until all Americans, or at least the largest population of Americans can benefit, this bill needs to be rewritten.  Doctors can increase their costs for people without insurance while charging insurance companies the minimal.  Alcoholics can get disability when alcoholism is their only disability, but people with heart disease and Meniere’s Disease cannot.  This is not a perfect country and the government only wants to put a coat of paint on a decaying wall.

Older than his run for the White House is Mr. Obama’s push for health care reform. In fact, this has been his passion from his days in the Senate. It seems that he has had a strong desire to improve a basic need of the citizens in this country. Looking back over Mr. Obama’s past speeches I found that he has mentioned America’s need for health care for at least the past three years.

As president of the United States, Mr. Obama found firmer footing to build his health care reform platform. He met with much opposition and rumors as to the actual truth about his proposal. One of the more prominent rumors was that the proposal was designed to euthanize the elderly. I am not given to follow idle rumors and chose to listen to the words of the one laying the plans.

My hopes continued to grow each time I listened to the president’s speeches addressing healthcare reform. All my adult life I have had health insurance through the jobs I have held. Mostly I would use this insurance for regular check-ups and examinations on the occasion I would become ill. In November 2004, I first presented with the chronic illness of Meneire’s Disease. For the first time I needed full use of my purchased health insurance. Instead of my insurance being a useful tool, it became a source of stress.

Working for a company with less than 20 employees each year our medical co-pay increased drastically. Only a handful subscribed to the insurance and only one of those had a chronic illness. I became downcast upon reading the memo from the insurance company that the reason for the increase was over use to the medical insurance in our company. I and the others knew who was to blame. My response was that it just doesn’t pay to get sick in this country.

October 2008, I lost my job due to the recession. I was given the papers to apply for the standard COBRA insurance that is offered to all insured employees who lose or leave their jobs for whatever reason thereby losing their medical insurance as well. This insurance is generally much more expensive than what one has been paying especially if the company has been paying part or all of the insurance coverage. On top of the added expense a person is expected to pay the fees minus the income they have been accustomed to receiving.

Unable to afford the cost of this insurance I began shopping around for insurance I could afford. My biggest obstacle is my pre-existing condition. All of the insurances are pretty much the same ~ buy the insurance for a year without them covering the pre-existing condition and at the end of the year they will let you know IF they will cover said condition. Chances are if you see a doctor or purchase medications regularly (which you do with chronic illnesses) you will NOT be covered after that year. Then you have wasted a year and all the money used to purchase the insurance.

Thanks to the wonderful world of the internet I have friends all over the world. Over the past eleven months I have chatted with them and on occasion mentioned that I had to cancel doctor appointments because I couldn’t’ afford to go. Those who live in countries with national insurance coverage couldn’t understand why I couldn’t afford to see the doctor. I would explain that our country doesn’t care enough to provide decent medical care for its citizens.

Several years ago I was classified as indigent and treated at the Health Department. We do have one clinic in town for those without insurance which charges on a sliding scale. However, they have a three month wait to see a doctor. At the Health Department the doctor refused to provide medication for my asthma, told me I had an upper respiratory infection and gave me a flu shot. No antibiotics or anything else to treat the infection. I got sicker until I passed out in congregation. A nurse and doctor in the congregation came to my aid. They were both appalled that the doctor would give me a flu shot while I was ill and not provide medications to get better. While I applied for TennCare at the time, I was denied the insurance. Since I was ill, I let the matter drop. Months later I was told by an employee at the Health Department that everyone is denied when they first apply. It is only in appealing that TennCare is granted.

Incidents like this are why I have been in favor of Mr. Obama’s health care reform. However, I changed my opinion when he addressed the Senate on September 9th. I originally planned to write this the day after, but came down with the flu and was in bed for several days. However, while I watched the speech I became doubtful and yes, even angry.

Mr. Obama and the others putting this together, in my opinion, are looking at it from the point of view of those who do not have a chronic illness and have never had to make a choice between purchasing their needed medications or groceries. The way I am reading this healthcare reform, it has way too many holes in it to be of good use to those who could truly benefit and need coverage.

It is my understanding that Mr. Obama wants to make medical insurance mandatory for all citizens the way auto insurance is mandatory for all drivers. To me, this is one more way the government is trying to control the citizens. If you can’t afford the insurance, you can get a waiver so you don’t have to have it. How does this help when many of those who can’t afford the insurance are the ones who really need it?

One big issue for me that Mr. Obama talked about was the coverage for pre-existing conditions. Again, Mr. Obama and his people don’t have a clue what they are doing or saying. Yes, he may make it illegal for an insurance company to deny coverage due to a pre-existing condition, but that doesn’t mean that have to cover the condition. I have been on this road for almost a year now and I am not buying what he is selling.

The United States is one of the richest countries in the world and yet she can’t take care of her own people. There are government employees, at all levels, making at and below poverty level. Wealthy celebrities go to other countries to adopt poor babies to give them a “good” home instead of adopting poor children in this country. I would love to see things come together to show that the United States government really does care about ALL its legal citizens. Right now, from where I stand, I only see the rich getting richer; the poor getting poorer; the healthy remaining healthy and the sick dying.