DeeEl's Mo Chroí Scríofa

After I Am Gone

I have a lot to get done in the next two weeks so this will probably be the last words I post here within Blogtopia.  Some have said they read my Meniere’s Blog regularly.  Either they missed my Letter Of Resignation, or they just didn’t care.  Since I am an advocate of giving people the benefit of the doubt, I will believe that they just lied to me in saying they read it regularly.

I spent last night in and out of sleep.  When I was out of sleep I was thinking about everything that still has to be done.  I woke up thinking about this post.

There are those who will wonder why I didn’t come to them with all of this.  Well, how could I bring you my tears when you didn’t want to share in my laughter?  In my life I have had one thing in my heart that I have striven to bring forth to the world in my meager words and that is peace through understanding and acceptance.  The world has not listened.  My heart is not to be heard.  The world is not ready to hear what is in my heart, for it would rather hold onto its anger and hatred.

Perhaps in my next life, the world will be ready to hear what is in my heart.  I believe that the intent of the heart follows you into your next life, so perhaps I have been trying to get the world to hear my heart for generations.  Not this life, but hopefully the next.  If you desire to me honor after I am gone, then remember the message of my heart and learn to accept others no matter the differences and understand that everyone is a human being above all else.

True peace will come when people move beyond the fears of what is different and accept everyone as individual human beings without the anger and hatred that continues to bind this world through ignorance.

Segregating America

About a month ago a friend in New York City, in her attempt to help me overcome my shyness with the male gender, urged me to rent all episodes of the television show Sex And The City and find my “inner Charlotte”.  I had difficulty with the show in its broadcast format when I worked at the television station where there was less sex and vulgar language.  However, I followed through.  Last night I was watching episodes from season three and encountered one that I had forgotten about.  This episode had Samantha in a relationship with a black man.  The man’s sister, an acquaintance of Carrie, strongly disapproved of her brother dating a white woman.  He could be with her just for sex, but not have a relationship.

This morning I was watching Good Morning America and took a breath to sip coffee whilst Robin was interviewing Gayle King regarding the upcoming issue of O Magazine.  This made me think of recent news casts on my local stations and how segregation still exists in the United States.

Hit the Pause button before you snap my head off.

In the recent past here in the south there have been some semi-major issues regarding the flying and wearing of the confederate rebel flag also known as Stars And Bars.  While it is not necessarily displayed as a racial evince, there are those who do take offense with it because of historical connotations.  I can understand this as I have issues with the swastika.  I am not making an attempt to get inside the mind of anyone else and try to figure out why they do the things they do.  I just want to look at blatant segregation that is usually not viewed as such.

When the word segregation is used, most people think about the Civil Rights movement regarding the segregating of blacks and whites.  The word segregation means to separate, usually with regard to race, class or ethnic group.  So where is my mind going?  Walk this way, please…..

There is  new segregation in the United States to go along with the obvious racial segregation I have already alluded to.  I want to bring this up before I move further into the heart of the motivation for this post.  Homosexuality is the new racial issue.  I grew up being told that homosexuality is wrong and I should have nothing to do with anyone who practices this. (Mind you I was also told that I should have nothing to do with anyone who was black other than allowing them to breath the same air I breath)

I have a good number of those I claim as associate, acquaintance and even friend who are homosexual.  I am proud to claim these relationships and know in my heart that they are some of the best human beings I know.  So why is the United States trying to segregate them?

Human beings are human beings.  You have those who are downright wicked and evil and you have those who are everything good and kind and then there are those who reside in the middle.

Back to segregation.

I have noticed, mostly on local news casts, that it seems to be okay for a black reported to cover the occasional “white” story, but only black reporters cover “black” stories.  What’s with this?  Robin Roberts was the one to interview Gayle King.  This is national news coverage.  Is a white reporter incapable of interviewing a black person?  It has become predictable on my local news.  If there is a story about to air regarding a black person, church, etc I am assured that a black reporter will cover it.  However, I rarely see the same black reporters covering local stories about white people, churches, etc.

This is blatant segregation.  The back reporters are just as qualified as the white reports and perhaps more so.  They should be able to cover every story as well. I am not saying this is what happened this morning on GMA as I am sure the story would have been covered just as well had George conducted the interview, it is just that it drew my attention to the more local issue.

Homosexual couples are more and more in the news and how the “church” is trying to keep them from having rights that are afforded to all other couples.  This is a form of segregation.  We are separating these vital people and telling them they are not allowed to exist in this country the way everyone else does.  They have to conform to what we want them to be or they have to leave.  As a country we did this to the Indians and blacks in a major way.

This is also being done to other “minority” groups in the form of bullying.  Living peaceful means we accept all other human being for the sheer reason that they are human beings.  Every person is different and deserves the same respect as everyone else.  Segregation needs to be abolished, not the people that are segregated.  Stop hating and start imagining everyone else as if their insides were on their outside.  Then there are no differences except the heart of the person with their loves.

Eggs-actly!!

I have been going through a financially difficult time lately.  This is due in part to a medical condition and in part the recession.  Last week a friend I used to work with came by to take a letter to mail for me as I was having a bad day physically and couldn’t get out.  When he came he brought me some tomatoes and eggs from his father’s farm.  He commented that the eggs were colorful.  I kind of chuckled and mentioned that they were all still eggs.  I couldn’t get this thought out of my head.   Seems when I am feeling my worst, my tornadoes really start to twist and turn the words around in my head.  I thought about how some folks say that brown eggs are the best and others aver it is the white eggs you should choose.  I have never tasted a difference in either.  After I was feeling better, I took the carton of eggs from the refrigerator and just looked at them.  There they sat, ten eggs of various shades of white and brown.  there was even one that was a kind of rusty color.  It was almost as if the hens which laid the eggs wanted to celebrate the Christian holiday of Easter.

My thoughts weren’t just about the eggs as eggs.  I kept thinking how I said that eggs were all the same no matter the color.  This is like people.  No matter the color of your skin, eyes and hair, every human being is the same.  I recall the old movie Tammy And The Bachelor.  During the course of the movie, the uneducated swamp girl, Tammy makes a startling statement about war.  In essence she said that if people would remember that under all the armor and clothing there is nothing but flesh and blood, perhaps there would be few wars.  Oh, the innocence.

Those who have followed my blog for any length of time have already figured where I am going.  My favorite topic to write about in here – PEACE.  Just like those eggs in my refrigerator, people are the same.  We may look different on the outside, but inside we are flesh, blood and bones.  The shell may be different sizes or colors or perhaps shapes slightly off; but inside there is a yolk and the whites.

When we focus on the differences we have there is strife and war.  It will only be when we focus on what we have in common (i.e.: being human beings for one) that we can truly accept others and bring about peace in the world.  Greet people without noticing what is on the outside.  Nearly three years ago, to escape the illness that has invaded my body, I entered Second Life (I have a blog just about that and have mentioned it before).  I began getting to know people where all I could see of them was their avatar representative.  After a while I was getting to know them not as their Second Life persona, but who they are in the real world.  It hit me one day that had I been walking down the road in the real world and passed most of these people, at the most I would have just given them a glance, but we would never have become friends.  I used to think I was not a prejudice kind of person, that I was very accepting.  I learned how wrong I was.  I can now boast that I have friends from all walks of life, skin colors, religions, races, nationalities, etc.  I got to know them as people keeping in mind that there was a human being on the other side of the computer, not just a bunch of pixels.

To the rest of the world I offer this advice – Put your blinders on and meet some eggs.

Peace

To start, let me specify that I am not using this post to bash religions nor religion in general.  Neither am I trying to sway anyone to believe a certain way, nor open up to a challenge/debate on religion.  However, of the five major world religions, Buddhism, Catholicism,  Christianity, Judaism; only two are not laden with controversy.  I have written blog posts, essays and poems regarding world peace and it never fails that I receive at least two comments telling me that “only G-d can bring peace” or “there will be no true peace till Jesus comes again”.  I sit and ponder which g-d they are speaking of and what religion has to do with what I have written about peace.

In the core of each of the aforementioned religions is the stress for peace.  But with all the controversy and turmoil surrounding three of the five, I find it difficult to see their message of peace.  I am not judging and I do not aver that the actions of some make it the way of the whole.  However, when those actions are so negative, they tent to put a cloud over any good that could be done.

In the United States, especially here in the ‘Bible Belt’, it is supposed to be a good thing to say you attend church or are a christian.  I wrote an essay a while back addressing two christian groups.  One in the US and the other in the UK.  These groups protest poets and writers just because they don’t like what is written, especially when the writer writes against war.  They also go to airports and protest soldiers coming home from the war as well as protesting the funerals of five young girls killed in a car accident on a rainy night driving home from a football game.

I have personally seen church people and Christians judgmentally taunt people for their beliefs and lifestyles because they differ from their own and what they teach.I have often heard the statement made in churches that they “love the sinner, hate the sin”.  Yet they treat those they call sinners in an ill manner when they don’t conform and give up said sins.

I am trying to see the peace through the cloud.

For decades, Catholicism has dealt with its own issues.  One of the biggest issues is the allegations of sexual abuse of children by the priests.  Most recently it is alleged that the pope has known about specific allegations and buried the information.  Priests take vows of celibacy and break those vows to have sex with boys and women.  I was always taught that when you make a promise, you keep it.  Especially if you make the promise to G-d.

If the leaders are discontent, how can I see the peace?

You don’t have to go far these days or do much research to find anything negative regarding Islam.  members of Islam are ever being suspected and blamed for terrorism around the world.  All a person has to do is look the part or be seen attending a mosque and they are suspect.  Not long ago a man in the United States Army went on a shooting spree at a military base.  As soon as it was said he is a practicing Muslim the media went wild that it was an act of terrorism.  I wrote about this and had stated it appeared to be PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).  As soon as the authorities came to the same conclusion I did, the media dropped it.

The other day I watched a piece on 60 Minutes.  They profiled a woman who had been a CIA agent.  The woman, originally from Lebanon, came to the United States as a teenager.  She made no secret of her past and had to undergo many stringent background checks to be employed by the FBI and the CIA.  After many years of service she was scrutinized for her place of birth and her (dis)connection to her sister’s husband.  It was later determined that she was NOT a terrorist.  She still lost her job and all she had worked for and was even dubbed in the media as “Jihad Jane”.  I foresee a return to the McCarthy Trials.

With suspicion and a select group terrorizing the world in the name of G-d, I can’t see the peace.

Thanks to the wonderful world of the internet, I have friends of different religious views including those who are Atheist.  Many years ago I was asking friends what they truly believe and why.  One person accused me of only asking like-minded people.  I had only begun seeking, but after this gentleman made his harsh comments, I quit asking.  I just wanted to know what other peoples views were.  I wish I had kept going.  I have one friend now who kind of jokes that he has taken parts of various religions to get to what he likes.  He does always seem to be at peace.  Well, except when his computer eats his music.

I once heard (or read) where someone said, “Prayer is you talking to G-d.  Meditation is G-d talking to you”.  Most religions are about praying.  To me that translates to us making petitions and doing the talking.  When do we listen?  Before I got sick, I loved hiking and spending time in nature.  I felt closer to my creator at these times and did some good writing during and after these hikes (sometimes during long drives in the mountains, too, just listening and feeling).  These days I feel most at peace during meditation.

The veil of controversy is thick with regard to many religions and therefore I find difficulty finding the peace they claim to have and disperse.  For me, I seek and research to draw my own conclusions.  I don’t debate them, but will answer any legitimate questions asked of me.  As for world peace, I still believe it will only come by  understanding and accepting each person without bias or prejudice.

Health Care Bill = Health Crisis

Terri Carlson wants her 15 minutes of fame and she wants publicity.  Well, I give her publicity here and on Twitter.  Just not the kind she wants.  She lives in California and has been setting up YouTube videos to find herself a husband.  Some may think this a novel idea.  She doesn’t want a husband to love, nor does she want his money.  Ms. Carlson is looking for a man to marry her and add her to his insurance.  She completed a segment on the CBS Morning Show this morning again, begging for a husband.  She did not say what her medical condition is, but on her YouTube this morning before taking her flight she showed she was taking her medical test results with her as proof that the is ill.  She is averring that she, a professed Republican, should be the poster child for President Obama’s health care reform bill.  She has a job working for a disabilities group, but they do not offer health insurance.  She has been buying Cobra Insurance (which everyone will attest to is very expensive), but it runs out in a year.  She feels she must marry someone within a year and be added to his insurance in order to maintain her health care.

Ms. Carlson wants to see the entire bill go through so she will not be denied health care.  I sent her a note via her website.  I spelled out how she is wrong.  This is a selfish act on her part.  I believe that she is aware of this.  She keeps stating this is all fer HER to be able to get benefits.  She does not have other people in mind as she sets out on her talk show arena.  I have blogged in the past about this health care reform bill.  I have read more of it than the politicians we are relying on to vote on our behalf.  The only good thing in the bill as it is written is the section that will make it illegal for insurance companies to deny someone benefits due to a pre-existing condition.  However, Ms. Carlson does not take into consideration that this bill will force everyone to buy insurance even if they cannot afford it.  Yes, there will be some allowance, but they are not very good ones.

In order for this to work, the government needs to revamp many areas, including the Americans with Disabilities Act.  President Obama has had one goal since running for office ~ Health Care Reform.  I watched him and listened to him as I was in favor of this myself.  I did not give into the belief that his reform would bring about euthanasia.  I did not listen to anyone but Mr. Obama.  Unfortunately, it was his words during his address to the Senate in September that turned me against his bill.  He is in a hurry to get this through in order to help a few people he has been trying to help since he first went into politics.  However, he too has missed the big picture, the helping of ALL Americans.  Until all Americans, or at least the largest population of Americans can benefit, this bill needs to be rewritten.  Doctors can increase their costs for people without insurance while charging insurance companies the minimal.  Alcoholics can get disability when alcoholism is their only disability, but people with heart disease and Meniere’s Disease cannot.  This is not a perfect country and the government only wants to put a coat of paint on a decaying wall.

My Heart

My Heart

I sit here
all alone
within the sanctum
I call my soul
It is here,
among the memories,
I sit…
I watch…
I ponder on.
To the painful thoughts
I bid farewell
the nightmares
they vanish
as misty, moonlit dew.
Scars, which seem
centuries old,
blur and fade
into the seams
of the fortress strong.

Subsumed by darkness
trying to find
memories past,
thoughts fleeting through;
pleasant,
sweet,
pretty, genteel
Did they ever exist?
Have I known them at all?
Searching the boundaries
seeking the words
receiving a hollow knell.

The acropolis is strong, READ MORE

Ignorance Isn’t Always Bliss

The assimilation of the internet into the daily lives of the vast population of the world affords the ability to explore the truths about our fellow human beings.  We have, literally, at our fingertips the ability to learn and understand cultures which are not our own.  So why is there still so much ignorance and hatred masquerading as intelligent personage?

On Thursday November 5, 2009, a mass shooting took place on an American military base on US soil.  It has been said that this is the worst shooting at an American military installation in history.  While no reports initially coming out of Fort Hood indicating any type of terrorist activity, people began posting on social networks (i.e.: Facebook, Twitter, etc.) that the shooter was Muslim and indicated it therefore had to be an act of terrorism.

Reports that I watched bespoke Maj. Nidal Malik had had several deployments and was working as a psychiatrist with many individuals returning from deployment with symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  However, even the experts can miss or even supress symptoms of PTSD in themselves.

Ignorance regarding other religions and cultures leads to untoward hatred.  Ignorance regarding mental illness in general and PTSD specifically, leads to fear and ill-fated hatred.  Hence, all roads lead to hatred.

In the 1958 film South Pacific, the song “You Have To Be Taught” was sung by sung by two of the primary leads.  One an American, the other a Frenchman.  they had both fallen in love with someone outside their upbringing.  Trying to justify not following their hearts regarding love, the American and the American the Frenchman fell in love with discussed the hatred they were taught to have toward all those who are different from themselves and their American families.

I was raised more or less sheltered from the hatred in the outside world.  However, I knew that my family was prejudiced against blacks and anyone not of the ‘christian’ faith.  I was not overtly subjected to acts of hatred or even slurs, but I knew.  I even found myself as an adult having similar ideation.

Two years ago I really began to look at myself deeper.  I found myself calling people friend that had I known certain things about them before, I would not have gotten any closer to them than as an acquaintance.  The internet allowed me to get to know people from different religions, cultures and political affiliations without the bias of knowing these things.  I found that I get to know and enjoy people who are differnt from me.

The old cliche’ “nothing new under the sun” is so accurate it’s scary.  Small minded people have been stiring up fear and hatred in otherwise intelligent people since the beginning of time.  The problem today is the ease of information flowing out for our education.  In other words, there is NO excuse for ignorant fear and hatred in societies today.  I wonder if Maj. Malik’s name were Johnson or Greene, would people have been so fast to holler “terrorist”?  Today, education is bliss  ~~  ignorance is remiss.

This post was actually written 11/6/09, however, due to computer issues I was unable to publish it till now.