DeeEl's Mo Chroí Scríofa

Devastation In Haiti

On Tuesday, January 12, 2010, an earthquake measuring 7.0 on the Richter Scale struck the country of Haiti leaving devastation in its wake.  This is the first earthquake of this magnitude to hit the country in a century.  I have, watched passively the news casts containing graphic photos of the pain and destruction.  I spent a week in Haiti back in 1989.  During this week I celebrated my 24^th birthday.  While I did not go to Haiti to celebrate my birthday, it was an added bonus while I was there.  One of the shots shown on the news was the, now flattened, National Palace.  I looked away fast as tears began to well up in my eyes.  I remembered the day I took this photograph of that same National Palace.  Now it is rubble.

There have been so many thoughts going through my mind the past week since the story first broke of the earthquake.  I think about other natural disasters in recent history around the world.  I think about the loss.  And yes, I think about the time I spent there all those years ago.  I fortify my thoughts by looking through my scrapbook and remembering as if it were last week I was there.  As I look, listen and remember I find myself experiencing a wide range of emotions as well.  Sadness and heartbreak for all those who are there or have loved ones there.  I also feel relief as I know it could have been much worse.

The other emotion that seems to have taken over is anger.  Not because this happened, but anger over the reactions of some Americans.  I can understand they are grieving as their loved ones were there when the earthquake struck and have still not been found.  My issue is with them thinking and crying out as if American lives are of more value than other lives around the world.  There are still many Canadians, Europeans and especially Haitians unaccounted for.  There are over 100 UN staffers missing as well.  I hear the pleas of Americans begging the President of the United States to do everything possible to find the missing Americans.  Why are their lives more valuable?  From what I have seen in news reports the world around is sending aid in some form or fashion to try to find the missing and bring comfort and relief to the rest of the country.  There is nothing more that can be done than is already being done.

Human life is human life.  One life is not of more value than any other.  Narrow mindedness breeds resentment.  It is okay to grieve and want your loved ones back safely, but when you believe they are more important than another persons loved one, you make way for resentment.  I hope they find all those who are missing no matter their skin color, religion or nationality.  Hold good thoughts for all those who are missing, those who are injured, those who died and all their loved ones around the world.  Remember Haiti in all her beauty and splendor.  Like the grandeur found in this, the oldest church in Haiti.

Resolution To Resolve

The new year was ushered in a week ago.  Immediately people were buzzing about their resolutions for 2010.  Statistics have shown that more gym memberships are sold in the month of January than any other month of the year.  Memberships in weight-loss programs skyrocket.  Smoking cessation programs are entered into by the droves.  These acts are good for the people selling these products, but what happens after the initial resolution is passed?

A resolution is a declaration to make a change.  This can be a good thing, if the resolution declared is seen through to the end or determined outcome.  Unfortunately, but February and March the gyms empty out and the weight-loss programs see a drastic decline in numbers and sales.  The smokers find warm places to indulge and ease the stress they encounter trying to quit.  Dose this make the New Years Resolution something that we should take with the mentality that it will fail so why bother indulging?

It seems that making resolutions should be goals that can be kept and should be made and revisited throughout the year.  I have also considered another facet to this annual melee folks seem fascinated with.  All the resolutions are individual.  I propose more global resolutions.  Last week reading the newspaper (yes, the one you hold in your hands and get newsprint all over your fingers) I looked at the editorial comic and pondered.  The parents were putting the Christmas decorations away and the son was watching and questioning.  Sticking out of cartons were a couple of banners.  One read “Peace On Earth” and the other “Good Will toward Men”.  I quickly understood the meaning in this cartoon.  It seems that along with the decorations, we pack away peace and good will as well.  there was the usual quote in the Editorial section and it seemed to me to go hand-in-hand with this cartoon “Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas.”  ~~  Peg Bracken.

These commodities which are part of everyone’s vocabulary in November and December seem to fade or get packed away when the season ends.  Peace, good will, time and love should be as much a part of our lives and vocabulary in June and July as they are in November and December.  We should set more global resolutions that we can follow through with not only the rest of the year, but the rest of our lives.  I am not talking about scheduling a trip every year to take money to third world countries.  We cannot reach out to those across the globe when we can’t even open our hearts to accept our next door neighbor for who they are.  Making thing better or striving for peace is not about changing the other person.  It is about changing our own hearts to accept them for who they are and what they are.

Sometimes it is even closer than the next door.  There are many people around the world who can’t even accept the differences in the souls who reside in their own house, their own family.  Accepting doesn’t mean changing that person to be like you or believe the way you do.  The change is in your heart and seeing that person as a human being, a soul.  All human beings deserve to be seen as individuals.  Resolve this year to be accepting of others to visualize an end that includes a world that is able to live more peaceably.  Set a resolution to resolve a change in your own heart to provoke change around the world.

There Is NO Excuse for Abuse

There are so many things that the mass majority of people in my life do not know about me.  There are many people who think they know me, really know me.  I am not, nor have I ever been one to wear my heart on my sleeve.  A lot of those I have allowed to get close to me know this.  Very few of those in that group know the why behind it.  Yes, there is a very thick wall around my heart.  There has to be.  It has been the only way I have been able to survive the past 44 years.  There is one thing that those closest to  me, be they my inner-most circle or even a level or two outward, know and that is the one issue that I am the most vocal about, my main soapbox, if you will ~ ABUSE!!!  Abuse of any kind is down right intolerable in any society.  Child abuse, spousal abuse, animal abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, elder abuse, and the list goes on.  there are so many names these days given to abuse, but in the end it is all the same.

I grew up with abuse.  I saw my father beat my mother when he was drunk.  My father nearly killed me three times, when he was drunk.  My aunt’s husband abused her till, finally she left him and they divorced (I had very eerie feelings whenever he was around).  I was also emotionally and physically abused by my mother and step-father (who also sexually abused me).  I have seen friends in relationships with people who had abusive and controlling tendencies.  I am not a violent person, however, there was one time in  my life that I looked in my friends eyes and said “If he ever lays another hand on you or one of those babies, I will kill him”.  This is someone I had known from childhood.  She knew I meant it.  She cut me out of her life instead of him.  The last I heard she followed suit and cut off everyone else.

Working in an emergency shelter for children, we once had a caseworker bring a toddler in after the child was released from the hospital where she was taken after being found severely beaten by her father.  She still had raccoon eyes.  The caseworker refused to give us even the father’s name as we (the director, two other workers at the shelter and I) were gathering bats and anything else we could find to go and beat the father.  The worker said he would have to have the first shot.  We cried knowing what the possibility was for this child to be returned to her father and just the sight of what he had already done sickened us.

Recently in the local news, a man was arrested and is going to stand charges after dragging a terrier-mix dog behind his truck.  The man says he didn’t know, however the witnesses that attempted to stop him say otherwise.  The dog is now doing fine but lost a lot of skin and fur on her paws and belly as well as had her nails worn all the way down.

Being graphic is not my intent here.  The human race is immune to the face of abuse.  We pay money to watch brutality.  Vulgar and abusive language is part of our every day lives to the point that most people don’t even realize they are saying it or hearing it.  So what do we do about it?

Laws have changed over the years to where the legal system now recognizes and brings charges against those who decades ago would have been lauded for their repulsive behavior.  There are still those who claim that an abused child is just receiving discipline from their parent(s); or a spouse who is abused, belittled and dominated has no right to file charges as it is within the sanctum of marriage and therefore no laws are broken.  To clarify at this point, I use the term spouse in a generic manner.  This is male and female and extends to significant others not just husband and wife.  Yes, men can also be abused by a spouse.  There are women who find satisfaction in being dominant and controlling in a relationship, but these cases are usually thrown out as no one wants to believe that a man can be abused.

My study in psychology is limited, but I chose that field to help others like me.  I was an adolescent counselor working mostly in juvenile justice for many years.  I was able to relate to a lot of the kids I worked with who were from abusive and neglected backgrounds.  I think they felt this and I believe I helped at least a few of them.  I don’t pretend to know what causes individuals to be abusive.  I have read case studies and seen movies made about real life cases.  Some believe it to be an imbalance of chemicals in the brain.  Others aver it to be victims of abuse becoming abusers themselves.  Watch any crime drama on television and see this depicted over and over again.    There are those who also give credence to the stress the abuser is going through at the time of the abuse.

It is so easy to use these excuses, but all that does is further allow the abuse to continue.  I can go out on a rampage and hurt, maim or kill a lot of people.  Then when I get to court, I plead innocent as I didn’t know what I was doing because I was abused as a child.  I don’t see the justification in this, but it is done every day.   Perhaps I do not know what was going through the mind of my abusers when they abused me.  I don’t know what goes through the mind of any abuser.  What I do know is that there is NO excuse for hurting another living soul, man or beast.   Saying things that are hurtful about a certain group, especially if there is someone within earshot that is in that particular group, is mean and abusive.  The words are said as a joke, but where is the funny side when someone gets hurt?

Before you raise your hand to hurt, raise your words to praise.  Before using hurtful words, think and say something good.  Hurting someone is not a sign that you love them, it is a sign that you need help.  If you know someone or suspect someone is being hurt, don’t tell that person they probably already know it.  Tell someone who can do something about it.  When my gym teacher saw bruises on me, a note was sent home.  I was beat even more.  Telling the abuser or the victim will not stop the pain.  My bruises have gone away and the physical scars have faded, but the emotional scars are still there buried with  my heart behind the fortress that was built up to protect it from those who said they loved me by hurting me.

The Cost To Be Holy

It’s that time of year again.  The two months of the year that people around the world try to be as ‘holy’ as possible.  Yes, that’s right; the holiday season is upon us, again.  For at least the last two months retailers have been advertising how they can help you have the best holiday ever.  Claims of making your holiday cheaper or giving you more for your holiday pummel through our radios and televisions giving us pause to ponder where to go and what to do.

As a little girl, I remember watching the seasonal animated movie How The Grinch Stole Christmas.  This heart warming tale endeared me to the thought of what holidays should be about.  Even after the mean ogre came in and stole the presents, decorations and food, the Who’s were still able to come together with a song in their hearts and embrace the one thing that truly matters ~ each other.  It was this that moved Grinch to return everything and join the festivities.

Being a fan of Jimmy Stewart, I am well acquainted with his movie It’s A Wonderful Life.  Here a man who, believing he has just lost everything because he lost a large sum of money, wants to end his life.  In comes an angel to help hom realize that what matters most isn’t the material possessions and money we accumulate, it is actually friends and loved ones we hold dear.

years ago the holiday season began (in the US) with Thanksgiving Day.  The Thanksgiving Day parade ushered in Santa Clause and the start of the Christmas season.  The day after (aka Black Friday) would be the first day you could purchase specific Christmas items.  These days, Santa Clause comes to town during Columbus Day parades in October after retailers begin selling Christmas lights during the summer.

There is always a frenzy each year to sell more, to buy more.  Then by mid January the frenzy turns into an uproar beginning with complaints of how much was spent for the holidays.  The gifts, the food, the charitable donations; everything adds up to spending way too much.  o, why do it?  Every year I hear people say that you can’t have Christmas without ’stuff’.  I did some checking.

There are three main winter holidays ~ Chanuka, Christmas and Kwanzaa.  Chanukah has been celebrated for a few thousand years and is to celebrate the miracle of the oil lasting eight days when there was only enough for one day during the restoration of the Temple.  Gift giving did not enter this festival till modern times as the Jewish children were jealous of the presents the other children received for Christmas.

Christmas came about a lot later and was added into the celebration of winter solstice and yule.  This is when gifts were given to the gods to pay homage for the season.  Christians incorporated their ‘religious’ ideas into the celebration to be able to maintain honoring this holiday.  Over-indulgence came with the package.

Kwanzaa is the newest member of the winter holidays only being created in 1966.  this holiday was designed for gift giving.  However, the intent was for the person to make or create a specific gift for its recipient.

I am not knocking any of these holidays.  however, if the true intent or meaning of a special day is lost or forgotten or it brings about so much stress and strife, why continue?  From my studies of these holidays, including yule/winter solstice, I find no place where followers are encouraged to over-indulge, spend too much, neglect to pay bills and go further into debt.

Another aspect of this holy time that bothers me is charitable contributions.   I am not against giving to charities or helping those less fortunate.  What bothers me is that people seem to only feel the need to be charitable two months out of the year.  I also add that it is the last two months of the year.  this, in my opinion, is so they can claim it on the income taxes in April.  Needy people are needy 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days a year.

It is not my desire to keep folks from celebrating.  Nor do I want to sway you to celebrate certain holidays.  I firmly believe that ALL people should be remembered ALL year long and not just for two months.  If you are only going to remember someone at one time during the year and pay no regard for them the rest of the time, what kind of message does that send about you and your sincerity?  Holiness should not put you into debt and generosity should be your theme every day of the year.

Here’s A Clue

Hoax.  Duped.  Taken for  a ride.  I believe all of these apply to the Heene family who are in the news a great deal these days.  The media must be feeling a bit singed now that it has been released that the “Balloon Boy” was a total fabrication to get the Heene family back into the spotlight.

I watched part of Entertainment Tonight last night as they attempted to knock on the Heene’s door for an interview.  You could see the media lined up across the street watching as ET knocked without getting a response.  Although I didn’t see the initial broadcasts regarding “Balloon Boy”, I have followed things since the balloon landed finding no one on board.  I did not know at the time who Mr. Heene was nor that he had been on a reality television show.  I really don’t care about reality television as it is as far away from reality as Snow White. 

As I watched the various segments of the news which covered this story, things didn’t seem right to me.  I believe the first time my head didn’t seem to wrap around this properly was hearing what seemed two different locations the seven-year-old was hiding in.  The first I heard, Falcon was found hiding behind some boxes in the family garage.  Than there was a turn around and it was reported that he was hiding up in the attack.  It seems that each time the news story airs, there is something new, a different twist to what has happened and why.  Friends and former colleagues of Mr. Heene stating they believed from the very first news cast that this was a hoax and just another attempt of Mr. Heene to get into the news.

I had heard about the segment of NBC’s Today show where young Falcon vomited.  I pulled the video on-line and watched it.  I was totally appalled that the child sat there vomiting and his father just made faces like he didn’t want to be anywhere near the vomit and was grossed out from the ordeal.  This, in my opinion, is not how a caring, loving father should react when his young son gets ill.  Had he suggested stopping the interview to see to the child, then I, perhaps, would have had second thoughts about his current situation.

The “question box” for the media was yet another mind-boggling event.  It seemed Mr. Heene was doing everything he could to be on camera as he could.  And the entire time, the media fed his cravings.  They gave him exactly what he wanted.  They gave him air time to show he is still around and will be back in the spot-light when ever he wants.

Here’s a clue people, leave his front door.  Let the authorities deal with him.  He will be charged, misdemeanors, but still he will be charged.  If you continue to feed his unbalanced cravings to be on camera in even the smallest way, he WINS.  Pack up and move out.  Yes, this post is about Mr. Heene, but I will not add his name to my tags which would inadvertently bring him even more publicity.  I really do believe that the media is the biggest problem now, GO AWAY and LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!