DeeEl's Mo Chroí Scríofa

You Think It’s Funny?

I did not plan on this post today.  I have another put together that I was going to post, then something happened.  I didn’t get much sleep last night as my heart was broken.  I woke up this morning the way I went to sleep last night, my heart aching and tears in my eyes.  I went to Writer’s Circle last night and the theme was April Fools Day.  I don’t do April Fools Day and therefore I didn’t write anything for it.  I read a few of my old standards as a friend had come to hear me read (he wanted to see if I sound like Dolly Parton).  Then another writer who had to pop out early asked me to read her April Fools piece simply called Fool.  I read it through and found we both share a similar view of things and I happily read the poem.  Most of the “antics” at Muse Harbor were in the form of puns (mostly from the comical host) and fitting limericks.

Later last night I was taken back in my feelings to when I was a kid.  My pulse was racing and I was quite flustered.  I made it through the event and then somehow, I made it through the night.  When I finally got out of bed and turned on the news I heard another disturbing story.  It was reported, for the second time in a week, that a teen had committed suicide due to teasing and bullying.  Everything from the night before and from my youth came flooding back to me.  It seems we don’t usually hear about it in the news that a child has been tormented and teased unless they deal with it outwardly by taking a gun and shooting those who have terrorized them.  We tend to ignore or sweep under the rug those who can take no more of the teasing (even if it is said to be done in fun) and they take their own life.

Jokes and pranks should not hurt or harm.  Comedy is the same.  But it seems more and more (especially in the United States) that the only way to have a laugh is to cause pain to someone else.  I try to just roll with it when others find they need to disrespect me or do things they know I do not like.  I do this because all my life those who cause me pain follow my complaints with “you need to lighten up” or “we are just having fun and joking”.  In other words, the person being tormented is accused of causing the pain because the terrorists mean it as a joke only.  Double whammy.  How is it funny when you cause another human being to cry themselves to sleep?  How is it funny if the one you torment has finally had enough and returns with a gun to make the pain (you) go away?  How is it funny when the one being tormented has finally stepped over the edge and they take away your source of entertainment by eliminating themselves?

Jokes and having fun should not be at the expense of someone else and their feelings.  Let me repeat that.  Jokes and having fun should NEVER be at the expense of someone else and their feelings.  If you see what you presume to be a weakness in another person, it is your duty as a human being to help that person to strengthen it and build them up.  But instead, you find it funny to use that weakness against them.  Just because they don’t like your abuse and terrorizing ways does not make them less a person then you.  Try complimenting and treating others with respect, the same respect you demand for yourself.  No, I do not like April 1st.  Too many fools think they have free license to torment and terrorize other human beings and those human beings are supposed to accept it and like it because it is in the name of fun and April Fools Day.

It’s Criminal

Lately my mind has been twisting and turning (the tornadoes that control my writing) with regards to criminal activity especially in regards to being presumed innocent in this country.  This morning I logged into Facebook to check status updates of those on my contact list.  Usually I go to the page and slowly scroll down skimming what others have said.  If something slaps me in the face, I read it in depth and then leave a comment or click that I like it or something.  This morning I hit two identical updates and not only had to leave comments, but had to make it my update as well.

“IMPORTANT !!!!!!!!!! DO NOT join the group that runs currently on Facebook with the title “becoming a father or mother was the greatest gift of my life” This is a group created by pedophiles whose aim is to access your photos!!!!!!! Please copy & paste this to your status and pass it round…… before someones photo are used inappropriately”

Reading this coupled with the ideas that have been flowing through my mind sent me reeling.  Many television programs run episodes regarding pedophiles, child abusers and child pornographers.  Think mainly about Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.  Having been abused as a child and then going on to work with kids who had been abused, these issues strike at my core.  I still cannot wrap my head around what would make someone feel the need or find pleasure in doing harm to those who cannot defend themselves.

This takes me to the whole “presumed innocent” idea in this country.  This makes me so ill.  How can someone be caught in the act and still be presumed innocent?  A person can be in a room with 20 other people and cameras recording all angles, take out a gun and murder one of those people.  Then according to the law, they allegedly murdered that person.  Presumed innocent?  Hogwash!!  In my series of novels I am writing about the heroine Samantha Neilson, the laws in the country are quite different.  The only time a person on trial is presumed innocent is when there is no evidence or circumstantial evidence against them.  Here, you can be caught in the act and have a mountain of evidence against you and you are still presumed innocent.

What about the innocence of the children who have been abused?  The laws in this area have been getting stricter, however, they are still not tough enough.  Those who steal the innocence from children should be treated at the same level as murderers.  They are, after all, murdering the innocence of the children.  And furthermore, the  non-physical scars left after the abuse is over will last the lifetime of that child.    Perhaps if the consequences are not only tougher, but actually carried out, then we would have fewer people committing the crimes.

I do not have the mind of a criminal.  I once went into a music store and they had such a large stock of sheet music, I felt like a kid in a toy store.  I inadvertently bought pieces I had not intended to buy and didn’t realize it till I was home and going through my cache.  I tried to return them to the store for a refund.  I was advised that there is a federal law which prohibits this.  Even after working years in Juvenile Justice, I received an education regarding the criminal element.  Apparently people buy music, take it and photocopy it and then return it for their money back.  In essence, they steal it.  It is always the innocent ones who have to pay for the crimes of the guilty.

This reminded me of my studies while in Juvenile Justice.  I remember reading about other countries and how they handled various criminal acts.  China got rid of their drug problems virtually over night by executing the drug dealers and rehabbing the known users.  Some countries cut off the hands of thieves.  One country would take a drunk driver and their family way outside their town (in the desert) drop them off and make them walk back home after posting their info in the town center.  These may seem harsh and some would say communistic, but the severity of the consequences detract people from committing the crimes.

One of the commenters to the aforementioned status update alluded to owning a very sharp knife to use in taking care of pedophiles.  Perhaps if pedophiles, child abusers, child molesters and child pornographers all received the death sentence there would be fewer to commit these heinous crimes.  I am also in favor of complete castration and permanent chastity belts.  This problem is ours and until we all work together to stop these, for lack of better wording, dirt-bags, pigs, scum of the earth the problem will only get worse.

There Is NO Excuse for Abuse

There are so many things that the mass majority of people in my life do not know about me.  There are many people who think they know me, really know me.  I am not, nor have I ever been one to wear my heart on my sleeve.  A lot of those I have allowed to get close to me know this.  Very few of those in that group know the why behind it.  Yes, there is a very thick wall around my heart.  There has to be.  It has been the only way I have been able to survive the past 44 years.  There is one thing that those closest to  me, be they my inner-most circle or even a level or two outward, know and that is the one issue that I am the most vocal about, my main soapbox, if you will ~ ABUSE!!!  Abuse of any kind is down right intolerable in any society.  Child abuse, spousal abuse, animal abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, elder abuse, and the list goes on.  there are so many names these days given to abuse, but in the end it is all the same.

I grew up with abuse.  I saw my father beat my mother when he was drunk.  My father nearly killed me three times, when he was drunk.  My aunt’s husband abused her till, finally she left him and they divorced (I had very eerie feelings whenever he was around).  I was also emotionally and physically abused by my mother and step-father (who also sexually abused me).  I have seen friends in relationships with people who had abusive and controlling tendencies.  I am not a violent person, however, there was one time in  my life that I looked in my friends eyes and said “If he ever lays another hand on you or one of those babies, I will kill him”.  This is someone I had known from childhood.  She knew I meant it.  She cut me out of her life instead of him.  The last I heard she followed suit and cut off everyone else.

Working in an emergency shelter for children, we once had a caseworker bring a toddler in after the child was released from the hospital where she was taken after being found severely beaten by her father.  She still had raccoon eyes.  The caseworker refused to give us even the father’s name as we (the director, two other workers at the shelter and I) were gathering bats and anything else we could find to go and beat the father.  The worker said he would have to have the first shot.  We cried knowing what the possibility was for this child to be returned to her father and just the sight of what he had already done sickened us.

Recently in the local news, a man was arrested and is going to stand charges after dragging a terrier-mix dog behind his truck.  The man says he didn’t know, however the witnesses that attempted to stop him say otherwise.  The dog is now doing fine but lost a lot of skin and fur on her paws and belly as well as had her nails worn all the way down.

Being graphic is not my intent here.  The human race is immune to the face of abuse.  We pay money to watch brutality.  Vulgar and abusive language is part of our every day lives to the point that most people don’t even realize they are saying it or hearing it.  So what do we do about it?

Laws have changed over the years to where the legal system now recognizes and brings charges against those who decades ago would have been lauded for their repulsive behavior.  There are still those who claim that an abused child is just receiving discipline from their parent(s); or a spouse who is abused, belittled and dominated has no right to file charges as it is within the sanctum of marriage and therefore no laws are broken.  To clarify at this point, I use the term spouse in a generic manner.  This is male and female and extends to significant others not just husband and wife.  Yes, men can also be abused by a spouse.  There are women who find satisfaction in being dominant and controlling in a relationship, but these cases are usually thrown out as no one wants to believe that a man can be abused.

My study in psychology is limited, but I chose that field to help others like me.  I was an adolescent counselor working mostly in juvenile justice for many years.  I was able to relate to a lot of the kids I worked with who were from abusive and neglected backgrounds.  I think they felt this and I believe I helped at least a few of them.  I don’t pretend to know what causes individuals to be abusive.  I have read case studies and seen movies made about real life cases.  Some believe it to be an imbalance of chemicals in the brain.  Others aver it to be victims of abuse becoming abusers themselves.  Watch any crime drama on television and see this depicted over and over again.    There are those who also give credence to the stress the abuser is going through at the time of the abuse.

It is so easy to use these excuses, but all that does is further allow the abuse to continue.  I can go out on a rampage and hurt, maim or kill a lot of people.  Then when I get to court, I plead innocent as I didn’t know what I was doing because I was abused as a child.  I don’t see the justification in this, but it is done every day.   Perhaps I do not know what was going through the mind of my abusers when they abused me.  I don’t know what goes through the mind of any abuser.  What I do know is that there is NO excuse for hurting another living soul, man or beast.   Saying things that are hurtful about a certain group, especially if there is someone within earshot that is in that particular group, is mean and abusive.  The words are said as a joke, but where is the funny side when someone gets hurt?

Before you raise your hand to hurt, raise your words to praise.  Before using hurtful words, think and say something good.  Hurting someone is not a sign that you love them, it is a sign that you need help.  If you know someone or suspect someone is being hurt, don’t tell that person they probably already know it.  Tell someone who can do something about it.  When my gym teacher saw bruises on me, a note was sent home.  I was beat even more.  Telling the abuser or the victim will not stop the pain.  My bruises have gone away and the physical scars have faded, but the emotional scars are still there buried with  my heart behind the fortress that was built up to protect it from those who said they loved me by hurting me.