Love Is The Word
In this day and age, the world over people do not consider the words they speak. As a writer I consider words all the time. One thing I have come to realize was that people use various words even if they do not truly mean them. A few words that I rarely use are family, friend and love. More than a year ago, on writing.com, I created a poll called “What Is Love?” I have received some very interesting reviews and comments regarding this poll. I had not planned on writing using any of the material until I was satisfied with the number of votes cast and could allow the information to direct other polls to create in gathering my information and then dive into the place it took me. A lot of comments were about the limited options (WDC only allows for nine options) and my coupling certain options. Recently I reworked the poll and placed it here on my blogs sidebar. I have added more options, including “Other” and unpaired some of the others. I invite everyone to participate and pass the link on to others to allow optimal participation.
My poll on WDC was only open to members and I desired a more global allowance of participants. It seems that writer’s have interesting thoughts concerning love. The way I pose my question and the selection of options caused many to pause before replying. On the surface the question seems quite simple. Then you view the options and begin to question what you really think. I can not recall exactly why I designed this poll, except that I wanted to write an article. What my prompt was I do not know. As I ponder this I am sure that I was brought to this poll due to my own thoughts about love. I actually put my response in the options – “A word in the dictionary”.
The first nine years of my life all I knew of love was that it had to hurt. If someone said “I love you” then they wanted to hurt you, physically and/or emotionally. Then I found religion and thought I was heading in the right direction when it came to love. Yes, there were still those in my life that would continue to hurt me, but I thought I had found a different kind of love. Then I got sick with a chronic illness that has no known cause/no known cure and all of that seemed to vanish.
I love teddy bears. I love to write. I love to read. I love, love, love mangoes. I love music. It has been more years than I can count since I have said “I love you” to anyone. In Second Life, I do occasionally say “I love my SLamily”, but it is usually said a bit facetiously when the crew are acting all silly and goofy. I have noticed that most folks use that line very rapidly. In the beginning of romantic relationships it can be a bit explosive. But those who know each other a long time or are related in any manner say it all the time. They end telephone and IM conversations with it and even sign cards, letters and e-mails with it. Sometimes I think it is out of habit or expectation. It isn’t that I have no feelings for the person I am speaking with. I just don’t like using such powerful words on a whim for one. I also have such negative memories for those who have used those words with me and I do not want to use something for someone I care about with ugliness attached to it.
So, take the poll and give it some real consideration when you answer, “What is love?” Then look at how it applies to you and your life in respect to those you care about.
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Comments
I don’t toss the “L”-word about willy-nilly. And I know I’m probably a killjoy, but when casual acquaintances close an IM with a “love you hun!” or something, I get really skeeved out. To me, it’s claiming an intimacy that doesn’t exist.
I love people. I love my husband, my children, my RL family (although there’s one I’m having to re-learn to like right now). I love my RL friends and SL friends, like Iso and crew, although in general I wouldn’t use the “L”-word on them individually because, again, to me it’s pushing intimacy, and since they’re my friends I kind of impart my own values to them I guess, and assume it would skeeve them out.
Animals are easy. I can get all sugary-goofy with the dog and cats and no one’s skeeved. Well, except maybe the cats. It works for me.
My mother always says “I love you” before leaving the house. I don’t quite like this casual use of the word. I love my mother, of course, but it feels wrong to use that word as a casual farewell.
For my mother, though, it’s different. She makes a point of saying “I love you” all the time because she rarely heard those words from her own mother, and she wants to make sure her kids know she loves them. So I don’t want to get huffy or blow her off when she says it. I know that it’s very important for her. Still, sometimes I want to say to her, “Mom, I know you love me. Words are nice, but you’ve shown me your love through so much more than just words. You don’t need to say it.”
Yet, I myself constantly say “I love you” to my cat in a similarly casual way. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t understand it. She understands me caressing her, feeding her, cleaning her litter box, and letting her outside and, of course, back inside when she wants. She knows I love her without me having to say a single word.